insidesuzyssoul











{October 3, 2011}   Some people are strange

Just received this email . It was from Dan of Dan and Anna. How odd. I’ll let Dan tell his own story.

 

Hi,

This email has been a long while in coming.

SHORT VERSION
I’m sending this out to a fair few people, mostly good people, who I have come into
contact with over time through several chat rooms and swing sites.
To get to the point quickly for those who want to get on, I just wanted to say that
there are no meetings or arrangements of the type discussed in messenger or any other
chat room – there never have been. Its all fantasy and imagination, made up stuff and
on the fly reactions to various thoughts and suggestions which were proposed by
people during chats.
It is true that we have been into swinging some while but its actually my wife who is
in control and calls the shots on that side of things. She has always had a huge
sexual energy and swing clubs allow her to express herself in that and is how we got
into the scene.

Some people will be rather annoyed at this truth but there are also those too that
chatted from the same fantasy and role play perspective who were aware that no matter
how well played out the chats were, this was all unreal storytelling.

I would like to apologise for the time taken up by the various chats and
conversations, some of which were rather bizarre or over the top and some with a
darker bdsm type theme and scenario that of course never happened, never took place
and were total figments of imagination and beyond reality.

For the short part of the email thats it, finished – time to move on.
All the chatroom and profiles will be closed down and this email address will be
closed within a week and this letter is my beginning of closure on this chapter of
one of my particular life challenges –
Its been hard to do, necessary and no turning back and I hope no chats have caused anyone any issues.
I wish you well in your ventures and adventures and hope life treats you well.

EXTRA DETAILS FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO KNOW:
The short version above couldn’t hope to give much background or detail, and so for
those who want to know more and understand, and who themselves may be caught up in a
similar “addiction” to chat rooms and and the discussion of sexual themes, and how
that can snowball into crazy type chats totally out of character, I wanted to explain
as briefly as I could, how I got caught up on this originally.

CHATROOM ADDICTION:
It was once suggested to me last year that I maybe addicted to chat rooms and the
discussion of sexual themes and encounters. At the time it was a thought that I had
never considered but since this was mentioned, I have come to see the similarity in
other addictions.

QUICK HISTORY:
My wife and I are one of the easiest going and outgoing couples you could know and we
have been pretty much happily married for 10 years now and together for 14 years.
Contrary to the chatroom talks, she is the one in control – she has always had a lot
of sexual energy and it was her desire to go to a swing club years ago.
This brought us into contact with swing sites and chat rooms. This was a great social
setup and we can say that we have had some amazing times and been privileged to have
met with some wonderful people over the years, in the UK and abroad.
The swing sites and chatrooms helped get people together for parties and we were
having a great time.

CHANGES:
Things changed 2 years ago when my wife suffered a serious condition that
meant she couldnt work and was no longer able to function in social situations.
So severe was this issue that she contemplated ending her life and as things spiralled out of control she needed hospitalisation for
several months.

Visiting her every day for months in the hospital was distressing and was a huge drain over time.
Various other events during this time took things down even further.
I became a bit of a recluse, withdrawing from any social stuff and barely even seeing close friends or
family. I was using just about all energies to ensure my wife was supported and I was taking care of everything.

This awful, lonely and depressing period of time was when I found myself more and
more being drawn to chat rooms – where In the chatrooms I could communicate and
express myself for a while and let out thoughts and feelings. It was during these
dark days that various fantasies and outpourings were expressed with strangers in
chatrooms and various conversations regards sexy meets were brought up.
Some of those conversations could drift towards extreme or bizarre and all the while
I hid the fact that my poor wife was very ill and we were no longer on the scene.

PICTURES:
Another area of expression for me that was borne out of this dark period, was that
being an artist, I used my skills to amend various images I found on the internet of
attractive ladies to make them look like home made photos – pretending that they were
of my wife or us at a party etc.

I have to say that looking back I believe the chatrooms actually helped me to get through a
tough and difficult period in our life during a time when my wife was unable to do anything for
herself and I was very much alone and in pain.
After a stressful work day, piling finacial issues and a visit to the hospital, it
seems that having at least some sort of outlet had its place – and the chatrooms
became that place.
I have no real vices, dont drink dont smoke dont do drugs, dont gamble – chat rooms
became the vice and an addiction.

MOVING ON:
My wife has made what seems to be a full recovery, its been a long slow haul and has
drained us of much energies. This recovery actually happened last year however, the
“addiction” didn’t end once she was better. I was still using chatrooms.

Where once the chatrooms were an outlet, a crutch or place to shed pent up emotions
or stress for a chap with troubles, where they had helped me get through some bad
times and seved a purpose, they had now become a burden on energy and time.

We both have great jobs in the city, the future seems bright, she’s got way more
energy than me and yes she’s been needing to indulge her desires, and now it’s time for
things to move on – let go of the tie that has formed between me and chatrooms.
In the same way as an alcoholic must abstain, so too must I.

Im not expecting replies to this email as it is intended as closure on a period of
time, and to give insight for those that might be experiencing anything similar but I will be leaving this old email and messenger online for a week more before closing it
down for good and deleting everything.

Its been hard to do, a necessary step and no turning back and I hope none of the chats have ever caused anyone any issues.

best wishes, thanks for listening, now and in the past and I wish you well for the future.

all the best

Dan

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{August 18, 2011}   Mr Shy Guy

A Trust 120 SpaceCam webcam

Image via Wikipedia

Isn’t it wonderful when you see two people in love?  Dexter and Suzy clicked on receive cam icon on their computer screen and smiled at the loving couple that were looking back at them from their web cam. This couple had potential it seemed.

Suzy and Dexter’s profile attracted lots of attention. It seemed there were scores of people who wanted to meet a young black man and a mature, Latino ‘squirty’ woman. They were inundated with invitations to meet people from all over the UK and indeed the world. But very few people who had messaged them met their criteria. Ideally, they were looking for interracial couples where the man was black or black couples as Suzy’s sexual preference (clearly) was for black men. The majority of responses were from white couples, ever hoping that they would somehow find a loophole to fit the brief. One of the more common trite replies they got was.
“Oh I’m not a black man but I’ve got a n***er dick.”
As if preference was about penis size based on an urban myth! (Although Suzy was lucky as Dexter reinforced the stereotype nicely, thanks!) Suzy’s preference was much more sophisticated than that. It would take more that just a large penis to seduce Suzy.
Suzy and Dexter had embarked on the scene as a full swap* couple as they hadn’t even considered that there were any other options available to them. It was all too new to set too many boundaries. How could they know what they didn’t want to do until they had actually done it? This whole new adventure was meant to be about expanding their horizons, not limiting them. So if Suzy was going to be prepared to have full sex with another man, it was important for her (and for Dexter) for it to be with a man she was attracted to.

Suzy and Dexter looked back at the computer screen and considered if this couple would meet their criteria. Yes, they were an interracial couple. First obstacle was overcome. The lady was an attractive, bubbly brunette. Nicely curvaceous, both Dexter and Suzy preferred a woman to have a womanly figure. Yes, both Dexter and Suzy could definitely find her attractive. She seemed lovely too, extremely chatty and open minded. She even spoke of how she had a dream of opening a brothel. An unusual enterprise they thought, but mused that she would make quite a comely Madame. Her man didn’t appear much on the screen. All they could make out of him was a shoulder that ‘Madame’ was leaning on .She seemed so in love with this man. Dexter and Suzy found that knowledge comforting. She spoke of how he was shy as a person; that they were not married but he lived with her and they had been together for five years in blissful co-habitation. She joked that she loved him nearly as much as her dog, and with that she got up to take her dog for a walk. It was clear from her puppy dog eyes when she looked at Shy Guy that she loved him far more than her canine companion. Dexter left the room to make a cup of tea. Suzy continued to chat on cam with Shy Guy.

Can a person ever truly know what their partner is really like? It appeared to Suzy that Shy Guy had metamorphosed into Sly Guy. Was this really the same man that ‘Madame’ had spoken of so highly as being the faithful, shy, respectful, committed, stay-in–the–background type of man? Here he was, at the keyboard, proposing that he and Suzy should meet, just the two of them. This man was not shy in the slightest! Suzy was taken aback at his advances and was shocked at how he had taken the slightest opportunity of his woman not being present to proposition her. It was puzzling. Suzy thought the scene was about being honest to your partner about your sexual attraction for others. This man had thrown deceit into the mix. Suzy retorted with what she thought was a reasonable question.
“How would that be fair on Dexter and your partner?”
Of course this was meant to be a rhetorical question. What Suzy thought she had projected by saying this, is:
“I’m shocked by your attempt at deceit. Take others feelings into consideration. Of course I don’t want to meet you alone!”
Unfortunately, because of the paragraph principle* * that most men (and indeed some women!) operate under, what he heard was
“I haven’t discounted that idea, but I am uncomfortable with it at the moment .Try again later.”

Dexter returned with the tea. Shy Guy, clearly panicked by Dexter’s arrival, assumed his off camera position. Suzy recounted her tale. They watched as ‘Madame’ returned from walking her second love of her life, blissfully unaware of her Shy Guy’s true colours. Dexter and Suzy were left feeling strangely burdened.
What was the etiquette in these situations? Should they tell her? Of course they shouldn’t. She would never believe them. Dopamine*** wouldn’t allow it

The following evening, ‘Madame’ appeared on IM again and requested a cam-to-cam session. Suzy and Dexter obliged. After all, they did find her company very pleasant .She was so warm and open. This time she was on her own. She chatted away for a long time exchanging pleasantries and making Suzy and Dexter laugh with her wit and charm. She liked a few glasses of wine it seemed, and grew steadily more and more intoxicated and relaxed as the night wore on. Suzy and Dexter were flattered by ‘Madame’s’ compliments and it wasn’t long before ‘things’ started to look up for Suzy, and for Madame who clearly was enjoying watching while Suzy gave Dexter slow sensual head on cam. This was fun. Madame typed away, barking out more and more excited instructions, telling them just how much she was enjoying the show and looking forward to turning cyber into reality. Dexter finished off by pounding Suzy enthusiastically from behind to the delight of Madame who masturbated frenetically until they all exploded in mutual ecstasy.
All in all, it was a rather pleasant way to spend an evening at home.

Suzy and Dexter received an email from ‘Madame’ the following day.
Sorry, we won’t be able to meet. I told my man I was on cam with you two last night and he got very upset with me. Really, really sorry. Xx

Talk about double standards! So they weren’t ever going to meet because Mr Shy Guy was upset at his woman engaging in a spot of cyber sex with Dexter and Suzy? So what about the very real life sex Shy Guy was trying to arrange with Suzy? ‘Madame’ was honest with her man, she played by the rules and this was her reward? I wonder if her email would have been any different if she had known her Shy Guy was really Sly Guy in disguise.

*Full swap: term in which swinging partners consent to have full penetrative sex with another couple. Suits fully straight couples where the intention is m/f interaction; either in the same room in front of their partner or separate rooms.  Oral./touching /kissing optional extras. As opposed to
Soft swap : boundaries usually established beforehand by the couples involved. Can range from same room own partner sex (voyeuristic) to bi women play only while men watch, to oral and manual in what ever combination but no penetrative male/female sex except with own partners.

**Paragraph principle: this is the main difference in the way men hear women’s reactions to propositions. A man will fill in the gaps between the words to suit his own interests if the woman isn’t clearly stating her intention.

***Dopamine: a chemical secreted by the brain when the person is in a state of arousal/infatuation. This chemical has two functions, 1) it makes us feel giddy and ‘in love’ helping the initial bonding, mating process, but 2) also stops us from being able to see the bigger picture, giving us emotional tunnel vision, leaving the infatuated victim with a clear case of the heart ruling the head.



{August 16, 2011}   On Webcams and competition

Strip poker

Image via Wikipedia

MR CATCHUP

Oh a web cam is a useful invention. For a few pounds you can plug this gadget into your computer and have oh so much fun! For the exhibitionists of this world (Suzy included at this point) it gave a great opportunity to show off to the whole cyber community. There was a certain thrill at first, a certain egotistical boost of having anonymous messages appearing on screen telling Suzy and Dexter how attractive and appealing they were. This thrill is a thin veneer though; it wears very dull over time.
With those compliments come expectation, and soon turn to insult when unfulfilled.
Not all people are impatient, however. Some others are smart and realise that forging a friendship can pay back dividends. Good things come to those that wait.
Introducing Mr Catchup.
He was a regular viewer on the Suzy and Dexter show. He became a familiar handle on the screen. He was part of a swinging couple from London. With his patience came results. Over time, trust was established and Mr Catchup had access to private chats on cam over IM once Dexter had established that they were a genuine couple. Mr Catchup was always keen to get naked, but Suzy stayed modest. There was a certain inhibition that came from seeing who was watching you especially when their arousal was clear. From being just a fan, Mr Catchup started to act besotted. Although Suzy was uncomfortable with this knowledge, she felt safe, as Dexter was there to support her. Mr Catchup’s partner always seemed to be sleeping (this is often an excuse used by single men pretending to have partners, but not in his case as they could see her sleeping.) Suzy and Dexter wondered why she never came to chat.
A date was set to meet.
The couples met in a busy London pub, not a good choice it turned out, and as the music was so loud they struggled to hear each other above the din. They decided to retire to Mr Catchup’s nearby apartment to continue the conversation.
The subject came around to experience on scene.
Suzy spoke of how she had had two years of experience when she had first met Dexter and introduced him into the lifestyle He was initially reticent and understandably apprehensive about it, but soon grew to be comfortable with the idea. After all, Dexter was by no means a virgin before meeting Suzy; he was quite the ladies man. Performing in front of an audience just took a bit of adjusting to. And although Suzy was older than him, he made up for that by being precociously mature for his years. Dexter was also the type of man who accepts a person for who they are when he meets them. If he had had a problem with Suzy being a swinger, he wouldn’t have stuck around. Suzy loved his non-judgemental attitude.

Mr Catchup listened attentively while Suzy told her tale. He watched her transfixed as she stroked Dexter’s arm and snuggled up close. Mr Catchup’s lady was the talkative one now from being someone so quiet on cam, she had turned out to have quite a tale to tell. She told of threesomes, foursomes, outdoor romps and mile high club adventures. She was quite the naughty lady it appeared. How deceptive can appearances be! It looked like butter wouldn’t melt in this ladies mouth. She had had more than butter in that pretty mouth of hers. As Suzy and Dexter listened open mouthed to her tale, they sensed a growing unease coming from Mr Catchup After all; none of these lurid tales involved him. And he was determined to catch up, as he told them, quite unashamedly. He related how he had a fixed agenda for the next three years in which he had to accomplish all those things that she had experienced, prior to meeting him. Did his woman have a choice? This made Dexter and Suzy feel most uncomfortable, but as they were new to the scene they had no fixed expectations. It was clear Mr Catchup and his partner expected some kind of live show from Suzy and Dexter, coyly asking if they would play a game of strip poker. They agreed to this, but the cards never materialised. Things grew more uncomfortable until Suzy and Dexter decided to call it a day in the wee small hours and slipped away into the waiting cab.
Snuggling up in bed with Dexter, a text message tone cut through the sleepy dawn air. Suzy opened it and it read:
Thanks for a lovely evening. You made us so horny we had to touch ourselves before we could get to sleep. Xx

Dexter and Suzy wondered why they didn’t touch each other. Suzy sleepily reached for Dexter’s stiffening member and slipped it inside her moist softness as they drifted off to sleep.



et cetera