Dexter on Game

Having been on the scene for a while now, I’ve come to realise that the majority of feminists have a point when they claim men think with their dicks!.
It amazes me to see how far a man will go to get in between a set of thighs.
The lies they tell and games that men play are ridiculous. Maybe I’m being harsh on my fellow brethren.
I’m no James Bond 007 agent but I’ve always had a girl or two in my life, so I have no idea what its like to scramble for pussy.
It wasn’t always like that though.

I was ridiculed by girls for quite sometime.It wasn’t until my first vacation in Florida that I lost my virginity. I was 14 years old at the time. She was a cute 15 year old Latino girl with curves to die for.
Our first time wasn’t great but the next two visits to her house while her parents were out, gave me the chance to improve.
I arrived back in good old London after two months with an air of confidence I didn’t have before. It was clear for others to see.

The rest of my teens would see me transform from a nice cuddly character to a ladies man with an unpredictable temper. I was no longer passive and walking away from confrontation… I was handling foes with a lethal combination of verbal abuse and violence. This seemed to enhance my reputation with the local girls. It seemed girls really did like bad boys after all!
As said before, I was no gangster, but just like every game of Chinese whispers, the truth becomes distorted. I didn’t ever start trouble but if it came my way I dealt with it promptly! As they say: you should never bring beef to a butcher!

The older guys I hung out with at the time were very much gangsters, not exactly Scarface, but well feared. How we became friends in the first place is a blur, but for some reason Donell and Richie had great respect for me. They taught me all about GAME :the games that men and women play with each other.
They taught me how to get a girl into bed and keep her wanting more with minimal effort but most importantly how to master the games that women play.
Women are the masters of manipulation, but they found it hard to manipulate me. I was taught thoroughly; not so much with words but with what I saw with my own eyes.The number of times I witnessed Donell and Richie mistreat women was a joke. To my astonishment these mistreated women would always come crawling back, begging to spend more time with these dudes.
Most men don’t have these astonishing powers.
Because they lie!

The best way to get what you want is to be honest. Never tell a blatant lie, if worst comes to worst you may have to bend the truth, but never fabricate a story.
This way you never have anything to hide. The old cliché  ‘The truth shall set you free,’ really applies here. If she approaches you about your sleeping with another woman, it’s none of her business. You are not a couple, after all. She shouldn’t have agreed to those booty call terms in the first place. The responsibility is placed squarely at her feet.
Now if you lie and claim she’s the only one you are seeing then you’ve already fucked up. You now have something to hide and have to keep telling more lies to cover up for silly stories that don’t make sense after a while.
Believe it or not, honesty is indeed the best policy, no matter how blunt or brutal it may appear..
My approach was slightly different. It wasn’t in me to be blatantly cruel, although I sometimes had my moments. On the whole, I was honest but fair.
I would never treat a girl like a ‘hoe’, no matter how forward she was. This approach wasn’t premeditated! It was just my way of being. .
For some reason it worked a treat. Word got around that I was this dangerous man with a gentle side.

Now I had all the girls around the way interested. They all came to the assumption that my dangerous side would give them street credibility, not to mention they would feel safe in my company. All women want to feel safe.
My ‘so called’ soft side was much in demand. They wanted a man to treat them with respect, in other words they wanted a gentleman.

It’s odd because even to this day women who chat to me think I’m different. Like I’m special or something just because I hold open doors, apologise, or ask permission to use the bathroom in their home.
That didn’t make me special, that was just my having manners. I was raised well, plain and simple.
It made me wonder what kind of dudes these women were messing with prior to meeting me.

I’ve heard the ridiculous term gentle thug thrown about a few times, how silly is that expression? But if I’m honest I guess that it best describes me.

You have no idea how much I hate the fact that Ja Rule and I share something in common…Damn!

Suzy on Game

I know I’m going to sound like a giddy teen in love here, and I apologise in advance for its soppy resonance, but I have to admit that Dexter has taught me so much about life in such a short space of time. What I first thought was harshness and judgmental sexism, I soon came to realise, through bitter life lessons, was his application of his knowledge of Game. Ultimately, he was being caring by trying to stop me making a fool of myself.

Let me explain: When I first met Dexter I thought I could fuck like a man. Why not? These were the ‘naughties’ after all, women were no longer imprisoned by society’s taboos, feminism had set us all free! Magazines like Cosmopolitan and teen mags like Sugar were extolling the virtues of liberated sexuality for women. Women could be sexually aggressive, we didn’t have to wait for Prince Charming to come knocking at our door, we could go out and knock on his door and his brother’s if we wanted to. Contraception had set us free from the fear of pregnancy and every smart woman carried condoms to protect against disease. We fucked who we liked, played as hard as men without consequence. This was the basic idea.

If women were free to go out there and indulge in the ‘zipless fuck’ as extolled by Erica Jongh, why were there so many unhappy, unfulfilled, emotionally unstable women out there? These women weren’t stupid, many women of this ilk were incredibly intelligent and highly educated. But still these same women were finding themselves at the mercy of men. Why should this be? Somehow these women, myself included at that point in time, were not finding this liberated lifestyle as easy as they thought.
I saw one man regularly. He was smart, kind, mature and good looking. I would call him up when I needed sex. We chatted, fucked and shared mutually respectful times; two adults having adult fun. I presumed he held me in fairly high regard and saw me as an intelligent, modern woman. I was soon to be taught a hard lesson never to presume.
I was out at a nightclub dancing to my favourite tunes when I saw a familiar face walk into the club. It was Freddie, my regular fuck buddy! He saw me, I smiled and expected him to walk over to me and say hello. After all we had shared such intimate times together and had chatted over many meaningful subjects late into the night. Instead of smiling or walking over to me he looked straight through me and walked right past me to greet a large group of people on the other side of the room. He had caught my eye, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen me. It was then that it dawned on me that maybe things weren’t as I thought they were. .Freddie didn’t see me as a modern intelligent feminist. He saw me as pussy and easy pussy at that. So much for liberation.

He was game playing by pretending to take an interest in me personally, in order to keep me fucking him. By engaging in what I perceived were deep conversations, he had led me to believe that he was more than just a fuck.

The one fundamental thing this experience taught me, was that it made no difference how liberated a woman may be, she cannot change the thoughts that are in men’s heads. When she thinks she is being free spirited and independent, fucking multiple men, the men are thinking that she is cheap and nasty. There are men out there who will reinforce this idea in order to keep her fucking:
“Oh baby you are so smart and free thinking, don’t ever let a man try and change you, stay the free spirit that you are! You suck the best dick aaargggh….”
..but would they tell their partners to be like this? I don’t think so! This was an example of pure game!

Before I met Dexter I had no problem with the concept of women having gangbangs if that is what they wanted to explore. Now he had filled me in on what was really going on in men’s heads, I wasn’t so sure I felt so comfortable about them. It is no coincidence that women who attend gangbangs, are never the partners of any the participants. Very few men would feel good about seeing their partner being thought of as a piece of meat, and I would seriously question the validity of the relationship of those that did.

Was it possible for a woman to ever get it right? Could a woman indulge her sexual needs without making herself vulnerable to judgment and sacrificing respect? I asked Dexter this question and he explained how it could be done.

As was with men game players, the first rule of thumb for women game players was honesty. Firstly if women were to be successful at this game they needed to be honest with themselves in three areas, and ask if they really were looking for just sex, a relationship or just even looking for attention.

Dexter related to me the numerous occasions he had witnessed women cheating on their boyfriends just in order to gain attention. The fantasy of having two men fighting over one woman was far more attractive than the reality of the situation. Women think that having men fighting over them proves their man’s love for them when what really is happening is that the men are fighting to save face, a man’s pride is at stake here.
Ladies, if your man isn’t giving you enough attention, rather than cheat, be honest. Don’t threaten him, just let him know that you no longer intend to be exclusive and that he can no longer have any demands.
If there is no commitment you can do as you please. He may be more than happy with a “no strings attached” arrangement.
If he isn’t and wants to walk away, what have you really lost? You weren’t satisfied from the start.
So that was attention seeking. Now for no strings sex or becoming a fuck buddy.

This is not as easy as it first appears for a woman to achieve, as a woman’s natural tendency is to seek out ‘bonding’ and form relationships with her sexual partners. I had ruminated over this situation once before and had posted an open letter on the Internet:

F*ckbuddies…you know, the modern way of no strings attached sex. In this liberated age of women being equal to men and all that, there is a growing trend for women to find themselves in a trap of their own making .Once they are there , there is no way out . 
Let me explain.
Liberated woman meets liberated man. He is horny. So is she. He doesn’t judge her for being sexually liberated and he’s just horny. So they agree to be f*ckbuddies.. And meet regularly for hot and steamy sessions of nsa sex. They are both single , neither are looking for commitment, so where’s the problem you may ask. 
Well, here’s the rub.. 
Its all good as long as the woman doesn’t develop feelings for the man. But guess what? Most women , given repeated meetings of intimacy with the same person naturally gravitate to emotional responses towards them . Its the way nature intended us to be .Its not wrong, its not weak , its just how it sometimes is. It is most women’s default setting. 
So what happens then?
Often the woman will ask the man for more. For strings. For commitment and relationship. And more often than not the man will turn her down. And he has every right to do so. Why should he change this perfect arrangement of no strings sex for one of commitment and relationship (which takes hard work). The sex is good. He has a ‘girlfriend’ experience of sex without the hassle of girlfriend . Who can blame the man for not wanting the hassle?
Then the result is the girl is left in a no win situation. If she wants to continue seeing the dude , she has to be content with just having sex with him but risk feeling used, as she has developed feelings for him. He could dump her at any time once a relationship (with girlfriend material)comes along. She can withdraw the sex and see if he still sticks around.. chances are he wont . And who can blame him? After all, strings are not what he signed up for. 
So .. what I am saying here is, girls be careful. Make sure that if you are going to embark in a f*ckbuddy relationship that you can guarantee not to develop feelings for the man. Cos if you do, you have only yourself to blame if he doesn’t agree to change the arrangement. Be careful what you wish for. 
A man doesn’t usually enter a relationship easily . He needs something to strive for . Don’t make the sex easy. Why work for it, if you can get it for free? Am I being a traitor to the feminist cause ? I don’t think so. I am seeing so many women being hurt by decisions they have made for themselves. I would just like to see women open their eyes to the reality of life and love and all of its complexities. 
Sisters, respect yourselves and others will respect you back. Your body is a gift to give that is worth so much. Make sure you give it in the right spirit. 

”Fuck buddy”status could be successfully achieved as long as the woman stuck to certain basic rules . The most crucial being clear cut boundaries, as Dexter explains:

“ If you truly are a strong woman, you don’t need a man to define you, you can do bad things all by your self. You don’t need a man for that A man doesn’t always improve your quality of life, especially if the only thing he’s good for is sex every now and then.
If sex is what you are after, if you can honestly separate your emotions from the physical act, get the sex then kick him out, only call him when you want sex. He’ll come running… trust me! Why settle down with him and allow him to bring unneeded drama? Because he’s good in bed? Come on!.
If you’re going to play the game then make sure you get only what you need. There should be no hidden extras, from either party.
If you require more than one lover then be smart and keep the number of men down, there’s no need to go crazy and try and prove you can do it like the men. Is that really something to strive for? You don’t want your business out for everyone to see, remember you can’t control what judgements people could make of you, so find out the best lovers and stick to them. Most men are shit in bed! I know women will agree with me on that front, so is it really worth you losing your self respect in pursuit of multiple, can’t be guaranteed, sexual experiences? I don’t think so. So, be selective, find the best fucks and stay emotionally distant. As for the men, it’s fine if they know of each other, but make sure they don’t know each other. You don’t want to give the men bragging rights over you.

Something that women really don’t think about is that men talk, the last thing you want is every man in town calling your phone. Never respond to a booty call, they are the result of the man bragging about his prowess with you and needing to back up his claims. If you want sex, call him.
Make sure you are firm and in charge, you’re the one with the pussy ladies, you have total control believe it or not.”

Very few women manage to get the fuck buddy thing right. It takes a very disciplined state of being (or a very busy lifestyle) to be a woman who can successfully achieve true player status. Dexter and I had come across one such woman in our many meets.
She worked in media, was absolutely no-nonsense. She met us for drinks very soon after we contacted her, and we were meeting to play a week later. She knew what she wanted, we had fun playing together and when she had had enough she dismissed us politely but brusquely saying she had a dinner engagement to go to. We knew she had enjoyed the time with us as her seriously engorged pussy bore testament, multiple orgasms do not lie, but she had had her fun and was moving on. We never heard from her again. For us this was the perfect meet, and she was a perfect example of a woman ahead of the game.

So that is how to be ahead of your game, ladies. Be honest with yourself, identify what you are really looking for, if a relationship is what you are after, then be careful of not falling into the fuck buddy trap. Being aware of game should give you tools to maintain your relationship…

One aspect of game worth mentioning here, is the paragraph principle. This is the natural tendency of men to hear what they want to hear when a woman answers a question that he has posed. A woman may give him a sentence in reply but the man’s intention will embroider and embellish the response so it turns into an entire paragraph that supports the man’s wishes. That sounds complicated, so let me simplify it with a classic example. How many times have you heard women say,” I don’t understand why (my ex /the man who I’m friends with but don’t fancy/the man in the office) wont take no for an answer? He keeps calling my phone even though he knows I’ve got a boyfriend.”.?
.The ‘pest’ is an opportunist, he is trying to see his chances of having some time with the woman. So he calls and says:
“Hi there, fancy going out for a drink sometime?”

She replies:

“Come on now, you know I’m attached”
What the man reads into this sentence is thus:

Come on now, you know I’m attached ( I’m still interested but I’m a bit tied up at the moment with this boyfriend. Check back later to see if I’ve got rid of him or fancy cheating on him. Of course I want to fuck you. )

Note that at no point in the conversation does the woman say NO. I’m not interested.

Clearly the woman thinks that this is implied in what she says and so is redundant. Unfortunately this is not the case so she is surprised to receive endless opportunistic calls from him until she eventually loses her temper and accidentally makes it clear that she isn’t interested in fucking the man, and there is no chance of it ever happening EVER.

Ladies simplify your communication with men. Be aware of the paragraph principle.

I was thankful that Dexter was such a good human being. With all his extensive knowledge of Game, if he had been a nasty character to begin with, heaven knows the trail of destruction he could have left in his wake.

I had met Dexter’s sisters on a few occasions. It was quite clear that Dexter had taught them well. I was struck by how strong and confident and no-nonsense these women were, no man was ever going to be able to penetrate their ‘game proofed exteriors.’ I wished I’d had a big brother like Dexter when I was a little girl. It would have saved me so much time and heartache.

Ladies, open your eyes to game playing It’s out there, all around you. Listen to your big brothers when they tell you how men are. Be wise, be happy, make yourself acquainted with the rules so you can choose whether to play the game or not.

Any big brothers reading this, rather than spying on or intimidating potential men in your baby sister’s life make sure you teach her what she needs to know about men so that she can make her own informed choices.

et cetera