insidesuzyssoul











{October 3, 2011}   Some people are strange

Just received this email . It was from Dan of Dan and Anna. How odd. I’ll let Dan tell his own story.

 

Hi,

This email has been a long while in coming.

SHORT VERSION
I’m sending this out to a fair few people, mostly good people, who I have come into
contact with over time through several chat rooms and swing sites.
To get to the point quickly for those who want to get on, I just wanted to say that
there are no meetings or arrangements of the type discussed in messenger or any other
chat room – there never have been. Its all fantasy and imagination, made up stuff and
on the fly reactions to various thoughts and suggestions which were proposed by
people during chats.
It is true that we have been into swinging some while but its actually my wife who is
in control and calls the shots on that side of things. She has always had a huge
sexual energy and swing clubs allow her to express herself in that and is how we got
into the scene.

Some people will be rather annoyed at this truth but there are also those too that
chatted from the same fantasy and role play perspective who were aware that no matter
how well played out the chats were, this was all unreal storytelling.

I would like to apologise for the time taken up by the various chats and
conversations, some of which were rather bizarre or over the top and some with a
darker bdsm type theme and scenario that of course never happened, never took place
and were total figments of imagination and beyond reality.

For the short part of the email thats it, finished – time to move on.
All the chatroom and profiles will be closed down and this email address will be
closed within a week and this letter is my beginning of closure on this chapter of
one of my particular life challenges –
Its been hard to do, necessary and no turning back and I hope no chats have caused anyone any issues.
I wish you well in your ventures and adventures and hope life treats you well.

EXTRA DETAILS FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO KNOW:
The short version above couldn’t hope to give much background or detail, and so for
those who want to know more and understand, and who themselves may be caught up in a
similar “addiction” to chat rooms and and the discussion of sexual themes, and how
that can snowball into crazy type chats totally out of character, I wanted to explain
as briefly as I could, how I got caught up on this originally.

CHATROOM ADDICTION:
It was once suggested to me last year that I maybe addicted to chat rooms and the
discussion of sexual themes and encounters. At the time it was a thought that I had
never considered but since this was mentioned, I have come to see the similarity in
other addictions.

QUICK HISTORY:
My wife and I are one of the easiest going and outgoing couples you could know and we
have been pretty much happily married for 10 years now and together for 14 years.
Contrary to the chatroom talks, she is the one in control – she has always had a lot
of sexual energy and it was her desire to go to a swing club years ago.
This brought us into contact with swing sites and chat rooms. This was a great social
setup and we can say that we have had some amazing times and been privileged to have
met with some wonderful people over the years, in the UK and abroad.
The swing sites and chatrooms helped get people together for parties and we were
having a great time.

CHANGES:
Things changed 2 years ago when my wife suffered a serious condition that
meant she couldnt work and was no longer able to function in social situations.
So severe was this issue that she contemplated ending her life and as things spiralled out of control she needed hospitalisation for
several months.

Visiting her every day for months in the hospital was distressing and was a huge drain over time.
Various other events during this time took things down even further.
I became a bit of a recluse, withdrawing from any social stuff and barely even seeing close friends or
family. I was using just about all energies to ensure my wife was supported and I was taking care of everything.

This awful, lonely and depressing period of time was when I found myself more and
more being drawn to chat rooms – where In the chatrooms I could communicate and
express myself for a while and let out thoughts and feelings. It was during these
dark days that various fantasies and outpourings were expressed with strangers in
chatrooms and various conversations regards sexy meets were brought up.
Some of those conversations could drift towards extreme or bizarre and all the while
I hid the fact that my poor wife was very ill and we were no longer on the scene.

PICTURES:
Another area of expression for me that was borne out of this dark period, was that
being an artist, I used my skills to amend various images I found on the internet of
attractive ladies to make them look like home made photos – pretending that they were
of my wife or us at a party etc.

I have to say that looking back I believe the chatrooms actually helped me to get through a
tough and difficult period in our life during a time when my wife was unable to do anything for
herself and I was very much alone and in pain.
After a stressful work day, piling finacial issues and a visit to the hospital, it
seems that having at least some sort of outlet had its place – and the chatrooms
became that place.
I have no real vices, dont drink dont smoke dont do drugs, dont gamble – chat rooms
became the vice and an addiction.

MOVING ON:
My wife has made what seems to be a full recovery, its been a long slow haul and has
drained us of much energies. This recovery actually happened last year however, the
“addiction” didn’t end once she was better. I was still using chatrooms.

Where once the chatrooms were an outlet, a crutch or place to shed pent up emotions
or stress for a chap with troubles, where they had helped me get through some bad
times and seved a purpose, they had now become a burden on energy and time.

We both have great jobs in the city, the future seems bright, she’s got way more
energy than me and yes she’s been needing to indulge her desires, and now it’s time for
things to move on – let go of the tie that has formed between me and chatrooms.
In the same way as an alcoholic must abstain, so too must I.

Im not expecting replies to this email as it is intended as closure on a period of
time, and to give insight for those that might be experiencing anything similar but I will be leaving this old email and messenger online for a week more before closing it
down for good and deleting everything.

Its been hard to do, a necessary step and no turning back and I hope none of the chats have ever caused anyone any issues.

best wishes, thanks for listening, now and in the past and I wish you well for the future.

all the best

Dan




printscreen of chat room #pt.wikipedia in irc....

Image via Wikipedia

Men Hey!

One thing I can say about the scene is that it never ceases to amaze me.

It’s been over two years since I started to explore it, and I still manage to encounter something new, and to think I’d seen and heard it all!

In the past when we used to meet up with couples we would encounter dishonest people more often than not. For example, we like to chat on IM with potential meets so we can get to know them better and gain some kind of rapport. As long as couples were aware that we were both present they’d be as sweet as pie but as soon as they thought one of us wasn’t present (in other words, me) their whole attitude would change.

Suddenly they would want to know if Suzy met without me. Obviously she replied negatively; then they would ask why she didn’t! As if she owed them an explanation! She would tell them straight that no matter what they said, they wouldn’t be able to change her mind. 
When they realised they weren’t about to gain any ground, they’d then get cheeky and say… “The least you can do is put your cam on and get your tits out!” Charming!

It probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear that we blocked and deleted people like that from IM. We have no time for ignorant people, and to think we were dealing with adults here.  Do they really think all people are as stupid as they are?

That was a usual pattern for quite some time, although every now and then I would be the target of the attention, which felt very odd to me.

Many white couples would proposition us for the simple reason that I’m black. The female half of the couple had never been with a black guy before and figured this would be a great opportunity to fulfil a fantasy before she got too old to do so. Suzy would refer to this type of couple as Great White Hunters.

The man would often push for it more than his partner, as he would appear desperate to witness his woman get pounded by a “BIG BLACK DICK”. They never even seemed to consider that not all black men are blessed in the trouser department. Luckily for me I’m sufficient in that department, unfortunately for them they would never get the chance to find out. I’ve always been suspicious of straight men that love to see their spouse pounded by a man or group of men. This really doesn’t make sense to me. Why would anyone want the woman they loved to be treated like a booty call or even worse like a sex-crazed piece of meat? In my opinion these men must have bi-curious tendencies and are afraid of admitting it to other people or sometimes even to themselves. Surely having sex with your own partner should be more arousing than watching someone else fuck her?

As time passed leading to the present, we began to notice that the trend of cheeky couples requesting for Suzy to lend me out grew substantially. We were receiving emails from all over the world and I do mean from all over the world!

We once emailed an attractive white couple from Maida Vale who on paper looked like a good prospect. Their reply was incredible; they didn’t want to meet the both of us, just me! The man was a photographer and he wanted to snap me with his wife as he said he loved the contrast of black on white but only if Suzy wasn’t there. He even had the cheek to ask if Suzy would be okay with it. The audacity of some people!

Recently we had a couple from Finland request for me to fly over and fuck the hell out of his Mrs, imagine that? There was a time when a black man couldn’t even look at a white woman without being lynched, now we have white couples chasing us vigorously. What is the world coming to? Hitler must be turning in his grave.

Here we are in the present, with a new agenda, since our last meet with a couple didn’t go so well. Our profile now only requests single bi women but couples will still try to convince us we should consider them, especially when we go on cam in the chat room. It’s flattering sometimes to think we’re so sought after although it can also be annoying sometimes; I guess it depends on our mood really. To be honest there are some lovely people that we get along with well but even they still try every now and then even though they know their chances are slim and none. Usually Suzy goes in the chat room without me, when she does she turns her web cam on, as do many others. Naturally she gets tons of attention from single men, women and couples alike. This is to be expected as she gets the same response when she out and about in the general public domain.

When we cam together people tend to get over excited, they seem to think they’re going to see some free sex show-we are sorry it’s just not going to happen. I’m quite a shy guy so my face is never seen on cam although they always request to see me. They seem to think if I have the courage to show my face then eventually I’ll show more, for example, my dick! There’re times when I go in the chat room without Suzy, obviously I don’t turn the cam on. Most people are aware that when Dex & Suze are in the room without the cam it means it’s just me, therefore only a handful of people say hello or chat to me.

Roughly a month ago I was in the chat room with no one really chatting to me, and then suddenly I get a pm in the room (that’s a private message that only you and the person that sent it can see) from a couple called Danandanna. It was the male half of the couple. I had seen them in the room many times before but they never said much, they just tended to display pictures and receive compliments. His message said:

“How’re you doing? Haven’t seen you for a while, fancy banging Anna again?”

That was a bit surprising to me. I reassured him that he was mistaken. He quickly apologised when he realised he’d mistaken me for another black man with a similar profile name. He then asked if I would be interested anyway. I said

“Sorry my man we no longer meet couples.”

He said, “No problem, the bitch doesn’t have to know!”

I was curious as to where he was going with this, so rather than bite his head off I let him continue: He said that he was always looking for dominant men who would punish his wife. He wasn’t kidding. The pictures he had displayed in the room clearly showed that his wife was a submissive woman, judging by the bondage and the vulgar messages scrawled on her buttocks.

I said, “Sir, you have the wrong guy. I’m definitely not a Dom!” He took that on the chin, said fair enough and moved on.

A few nights later, he returned to the chat room. I had displayed a picture and everyone paid me compliments, he was no exception. He said: “What a fine specimen of a dick! It looks real mean and would probably do some damage to Anna” Here we go again… I thought. “Thanks, glad you like the picture, yours isn’t bad either.”

Oh why did I say that? That’s when he got really confident.

Funny thing was, I’m not totally convinced he remembered our previous conversation, as he seemed to start from the beginning rather than recap. This time around he was a lot more forceful which was good as I relish the opportunity to tease and play games. He said, “I notice you don’t meet couples” I said, “That’s right Sir and it won’t be changing anytime soon.” I knew what he’d say next but I couldn’t resist hearing it again; this time I wanted to see how far he would go. He gave me the whole speech as to how Suzy didn’t have to know; in fact he encouraged men with partners to cheat on their partner with his wife! He said, “Read the profile it’s all there.”

Sure enough, there it was clear as day:

Seeking strong and extremely open minded Dom males Men needed who are not afraid to take control of her and more… ask Dan for details on what’s needed. Males preferred to be 30 and over and in UK, London area preferred. Discretion guaranteed for males with partners- no problem.

This man was no joke, I was wondering if I should carry the conversation on as it could get a bit deep but I had started it so therefore felt I should finish it.

He said “As long as I get what I need, you get what you need. I need to see her punished severely.”

I said “How discreet is it if you insist on pictures being taken?”

He replied “That’s not a problem. If you have tattoos I can photoshop them. I also have a range of masks and hoods that you can wear so you wont be recognised in the pictures by Suzy, the chat room or Anna.”

Huh?Now this was interesting. I was so glad I had pushed this!

I said “What do you mean by that, Sir? Why would Anna not recognise me?”

He replied ” The bitch doesn’t have a say in whom I choose to fuck and punish her.”

My jaw was wide open by this point. I learned something new everyday it seemed. How could a man do that to any woman let alone his own wife? The mind boggles.

I’ve often had elder black men tell me that no white man would ever give you something for free. “What has a white man ever done for you?” they would ask. In this case not only was this “white man” going to give me his wife for free, he was also going to give me lessons into how to cheat successfully and be dominant. Imagine that! Oh how my elders were so wrong! I doubt however, that this kind of thing would have ever happened in their youth.

He was anxious to know when I could meet with them. I knew this was coming and wasn’t sure how to get out of this game I had started. He said they were available everyday of the following week. That was the perfect escape for me as I would be having my wisdom teeth removed on the Tuesday of that week so would be out of commission for a while. When I broke the news he seemed so disappointed. I presumed he’d give up on me and accuse me of being a time waster. Not so lucky, he wanted to know when the swelling would go down, then he suggested that it didn’t matter anyhow as Anna would never see my face, so no need for me to worry about my appearance. This man was persistent. Every time I wriggled out of this game, he found a way to bring me back in…I guess that’s what I got for playing games huh?

At that point I decided to bite the bullet and end the situation abruptly… “ Sir! I’ve had a change of heart and have decided that I cannot cheat on my partner, it just doesn’t feel right.”

Some men don’t like rejection; they don’t like to think their partner isn’t desirable enough for a man like myself to stray. In an attempt to keep things sweet I told him that if I were single there wouldn’t be a problem.

He wasn’t hearing that at all. He suggested that I take his IM address so we could chat on the following Sunday night. Perhaps by then I may have had time to change my mind. I cannot lie, even though I’d been trying to squeeze my way out I was interested to hear what he had to say when he realised that it wouldn’t happen. I asked him why he couldn’t just find another. He replied that they didn’t get the opportunity to meet males often and had to compromise with meeting couples.

I said “Where’s the problem?”

He said that couples were rarely into extreme domination and couldn’t be swayed if they weren’t. With a solo male it didn’t take that much convincing. Once the man got his head around the fact that Anna wanted rough treatment, he tended to go with the flow and eventually enjoyed himself.

I asked, “Why don’t you continue to meet those same men?”

He replied that all those men were foreign! They had met them on their travels. He said that foreign men didn’t usually have the same inhibitions as English men and that they ideally wanted to find a young local man they could play with on a regular basis. I said that even if I had agreed to meet it would have hardly been regular as I had a partner, hence the couple profile. Of course that didn’t put him off at all, only spurred him on really as he said they were based in central London so it wouldn’t be hard for me to escape Suzy for a couple of hours two or three times a week.

It’s very hard for me to digest that a man would badger another man to cheat on his partner with his wife. As far as I was concerned it’s not necessary if you’re on scene, there’re so many people to choose from. If you can’t catch the interest of the person/people that you’re after then move on! There’re thousands of swingers in London alone not to mention the whole of England. What baffled me was how any attached man with a couple profile would take such a big risk by meeting a couple like this? Why would any man hand over such power to Dan? At any given time he could expose your exploits to your wife/partner and the whole chat room. Imagine the embarrassment and public humiliation! You’d have to keep him real sweet in order for him to keep his mouth shut. I wouldn’t like to be the man sitting down in the living room sweating on a Saturday night hoping that my wife/partner didn’t catch wind of what had been going on. I eagerly await our conversation on Sunday. I’m sure you can guess what will happen as can I, predictability is inevitable. At the end of it all I hope he doesn’t realise this was all a game I played out of intrigue.

If he ever reads this I guess he will.




Great White Hunters

Image by WireLizard via Flickr

Here we are, another day, another entry.
It’s hard for me to believe that Suzy and I just had a heated debate over the dreaded Great White Hunters.
For those of you who have no idea what a Great White Hunter is, these are white married couples that meet only black men for recreational sex.
This isn’t a known term on scene as Suzy gave them this title, although the term is growing in popularity on the scene due to chat rooms on adult sites.

The debate started when I decided to send an email to an attractive middle-aged female on one of the many sites of which we happen to be members.
At the time I messaged her, I didn’t think much of it. She said she was bisexual, this being the most important factor to take into consideration when we message women and of course she only liked black guys! So I thought why the hell not?
She was based in London and although she was married her husband never got involved physically in her meets, at most he would request to watch and take pictures but this wasn’t essential if her potential meets weren’t comfortable being photographed.
I didn’t really expect for her to reply as she stated that her preference was “single black men”, she would only consider couples on rare occasions.
I knew it was a long shot but never considered that Suzy would have a problem with my messaging this woman; besides I’d messaged many women previously that had perfectly suited Suzy’s taste.
If this lady replied to our email with interest we were in for a treat as it was clear she was a no-nonsense type of swinger. By no means was she a timewaster like so many other so called bi–sexual women on scene.
When Suzy returned home, I was still browsing the adult sites looking for other potential women to message and checking for any possible replies to the tons of emails I had sent over the past week.
Suzy dragged a chair towards the desk to join me; she enjoyed weeding out the real profiles from the fake shit that floated about on the web.
We continued to browse the sites when we stumbled onto the lady in question; her profile name was “HOTMILF”.
I told Suzy that this was one of the women I had messaged prior to her return; I thought she was a good prospect.
Suzy asked for me to open her profile so she could have a read for herself. The introduction of the profile made Suzy laugh, it read:

ONLY BLACK VVWE GUYS.  NO BI, BI-CURIOUS GUYS or WHITE GUYS.

Suzy continued to read the rest of the profile:

Married cpl wanting to play with vvvwe, ( very, very, very well endowed) toned, good looking black guys, sorry all you white guys and other colours we are only looking for big black cocks… 
Bi females are more than welcome, will consider exceptional couples.
I have to say I adore black men, the way they look, smell and feel, if it was up to me all gorgeous black men would fall at my feet and worship me, once that’s out of the way they can do what they do best; Fuck me senseless! That’s why they were put on this earth.
I have to point out that the reason we do not meet bi or bi-curious guys is simply because my hubby is str8 and we have no need for a bi guy, also the reason we do not meet white guys is because my hubby is white so when I play I like to play with what I haven’t got not what I have got….we have no ill feelings what so ever against bi guys or white guys, they are simply not needed, as its been pointed out several times in nasty mail form I must be a racist…well does that mean I have to shag every White, Asian guy on this planet to prove to them I’m not..?????…..I don’t think so, all nasty abusive mail will be pasted to support@admin from now on, there isn’t a need for it.

Suzy didn’t look impressed in the slightest; the look of disdain on her face took me by surprise. I asked her what the problem was. She replied that she objected to the way this woman objectified black men. If she truly adored black men then why hadn’t she married one? Suzy felt this woman’s opinion of black men was completely out of order and felt that she was implying that black men as a race were not mature or civilised enough to have a relationship with a woman of her ilk. Her profile inferred that the only thing black men were good for was barbaric and savage acts of sex! Just the way she liked it; white men were way beyond that animalistic type of behaviour as they’d evolved and black men hadn’t.

I’d never actually thought of it that way until Suzy expressed her feelings. Although I saw her point I found it hard to be offended by the words written on the profile.
To be honest, I didn’t take her words to heart as I didn’t feel she was being serious. The passage that referred to us as being her sex slaves was nothing more than light humour in my eyes.
As far as I was concerned if Suzy’s summary of this profile was correct then the only person who would look the fool in this situation was Hotmilf herself, not so much the black men she was meeting.
Even if the black men in question took offence to the passage Suzy was referring to, not too many brothas would pass up quick and easy sex, especially since a lot of single men on scene regardless of colour are actually married! They’re hardly in a position to be choosy.
If, in her opinion, black men have yet to evolve, then why would she want to be violated by them? Even worse, why would her civilised white male partner want to witness such a spectacle? I guess only they could answer that question.
We never did receive a reply from Hotmilf, although she did attempt to chat with us on many occasions in the chat rooms.
She would pay us compliments non-stop, especially to Suzy; she seemed to think they had something in common due to the fact that Suzy had a black partner in me.
Suzy didn’t like to be put in the same bracket as such a woman and was quick to dismiss any similarities.
It was at that point I had an epiphany.

Was Suzy so harsh on this woman for the sheer fact that she saw herself reflected every time she encountered this woman? Before having met me, all of Suzy’s casual flings/sex partners were black!
With the exception of this Hotmilfs fantasy of having black sex slaves what was there to differentiate? Did Suzy not also seek out black men? It said so on her profile when I first met her!
Suzy was not impressed with this notion.
She let it be known with venom in her voice that I better not ever in my lifetime compare her with such a woman:
Suzy continued:

“Yes I sought out black men, but not for the same reasons.
First off, I find black men more attractive, I don’t know why! It’s just the way it is.
As for black men doing what they do best, skin colour doesn’t determine whether someone is a great lover or not. Trust me I know; to buy into stereotypes like that is pure ignorance and to think this woman has actually encountered black men and still has this opinion is quite sad.
With me there was always a window of opportunity for a relationship, hence the fact you’re sitting next to me right now. If I viewed you in the same light as this woman I would have kicked you out the minute you blew your load.
There would be no pleasantries exchanged, I would be cold and heartless.
I view you as a wonderful human being, not a wonderful “Black man” this woman could never have the same feelings for any black man regardless of how attractive, intelligent, sweet or successful they were.
She views all black men in the same light, like you all share the same brain! Doesn’t that sound like the words of an Imperial wizard of the KKK or some other right wing spokesperson?”

After listening to that, I had no choice but to totally agree with what she was saying although I had to stress to Suzy that Black men on scene just wouldn’t have given a damn.
As far as they were concerned she was just as savage, if not more so, than they were for pulling down her panties and spreading her thighs. Quite frankly I had to agree.
Suzy nodded her head in acknowledgement that I also had a good point. Who was Hotmilf or her husband to judge anybody’s character on the basis of colour?

As time went on we seemed to encounter more and more Great White Hunters despite the fact I knew that the men they were encountering only cared about the pussy, I was amazed at how some brothas would stoop so low just to get it.
They were happy to play the obedient Negro if it meant pussy at the end of the rainbow. As a confident, confrontational person I could never take orders or hold my tongue knowing that someone held such a low opinion of me.
I’d be damned if I was going to show my teeth just to make everyone around me comfortable, I was no submissive.
We would often receive emails from hopeful couples and single bi women from abroad wishing to meet us. The women in question had never had sex with a black guy before and were curious about it. They were wondering if we would travel to meet with them.
We didn’t mind receiving emails from people such as these, as they weren’t discriminating by means of race, just curious. They’d figured we’d be a safe meet and had no intention of excluding Suzy in the process.
There were many couples all over Europe that had the same wants and desires as Hotmilf, but the capital for this particular genre of swinger had to be Florida.
It seemed that most American Great white hunters congregated there. It had to be a haven for well-off white couples that indulged in these ‘sexploits.’.
You wouldn’t believe how many middle aged white couples (some in their 60’s) there was that excluded all races other than black from their wish list. It made me wonder if these same people were having these same fantasies during the segregation days in the U.S.A.
In those days the law of the land, not to mention running the risk of being a nigger-loving race traitor, would have restricted them. Now, in a new century, no law could stop them now; they were free to run wild.
I would always chuckle to myself when breezing through these profiles, most of them consisted of rowdy pictures of their many encounters with well hung black men; in a lot of these pictures there would be no sign of a condom.
It seems a lot of these middle-aged couples get the impression that they’re somehow immune to STD’s, that’s something Suzy and I noticed a while back; although this isn’t a trait that is exclusive to the Great White Hunter, might I add.

It really shouldn’t surprise me how much in demand black men are in Florida. I lived there for over a year and encountered many women, of all different races.
I never had any problem attracting women during my stay there, especially when word got around that I was British, everyone I spoke to was fascinated by my accent; some people were even confused. They found it hard to believe that I could be both Black and British! As far as they were concerned there weren’t any black people outside of America or Africa. At first I found this ignorance amusing but after a while it annoyed me.

While living in Florida I worked with school children in summer schemes so I would often encounter middle aged, married white women as they came to collect their kids at the end of the day.
Initially, I would try and avoid any type of conversation with the mothers of these kids. I would wave from a distance and send the kids on their way.
Yet again as time went by, people became intrigued by the accent. Now these mothers were no longer waving from a distance in the safe compound of their cars, they were marching up to me determined to engage with me in conversation.
At first, it was merely a fascination with the accent then slowly but surely a small number of the mothers began to flirt outrageously with me.
I couldn’t believe my luck. Attractive all-American women were coming on to me. This was surreal.
Out of the small group of women, only one had the courage to actually proposition me. As tempted as I was, I made it clear that it would be unethical for us to embark on a sexual affair. I pointed out if her husband were to find out and they later split or divorced it would be hard for me to look her daughter in the eye knowing I was to blame for breaking up her home.
She reluctantly agreed with me, although it still didn’t stop her grabbing my arse at every given opportunity.

As the Summer scheme came to an end I began to regret not actually taking opportunity of the offer, this woman was extremely attractive to say the least, but at the same time, viewing the bigger picture, I’m proud of myself for showing restraint.
Looking back at that point in time in my life it holds relevance to what I’m witnessing on scene now.
As long as these so-called clean-cut folk think that they’re not dealing with stereotypical niggers, it’s all good!

Browsing through an adult site, there was one profile in particular that didn’t make me chuckle at all, in fact I was quite offended when I stumbled upon it.
The profile belonged to a Miami based couple,”Diamonds666″.
At first they came across as perfectly pleasant, stating their interests and what not, such as travelling, skiing, sailing, over night boat trips to the everglades etc; the lives of the rich hey?
They then go on to mention what they hope to find:

Erotic encounters and maybe friendship, who knows? We want to hear from men of all races as long as you have a full head of hair and no facial hair.
Men should be in shape but not too bulky as we see that as a turn off.

So far they come across as a lovely, wealthy couple, it would be hard to take offence at anything they said so far. They continue:

We have many fetishes and if you don’t meet the criteria given, don’t bother getting in touch. Please respect our wishes!
Clean-cut, super hung dominant black bulls, (no dreads, thugs, gang, hip-hop or prison tats) those who love to take a white woman in front of her husband, come on! What are you all waiting for? Don’t be shy!
We also desire couples that enjoy the cuckhold lifestyle and women that love to be gangbanged by big black cocks in a safe environment.

Excuse me? What the fuck do they mean by:
( no dreads, thugs, gang, hip-hop or prison tats)?

Are they trying to imply that any black man that isn’t accustomed to their life style is nothing more than a walking stereotype?
As a teenager I was hardly a paragon of virtue but that doesn’t mean I fall under every stereotype made available to me.
They said previously in their profile that men of all races were welcome as long as they had a full head of hair and none on their faces; why did she never specify the do’s and don’ts for all the other races? Is it not possible for a white man to be a thug? Have they never heard of a white gang member? (I guess they never saw that movie, Gangs of New York huh?)

As for the Hip-hop statement, how dumb is that? I’m sure a large proportion of the black men they meet listen to rap music but they just don’t tell them when they arrive. It is possible for Negroes to go a whole day without listening to Snoop Dog, believe it or not.
As for the prison tattoos, I shouldn’t even have to justify that shit. Is it okay for the white men they meet to have prison tats? They didn’t mention that did they?
By the way, the last time I checked, dreadlocks qualify as a full head of hair.
It’s funny how they have this desire to meet black men but yet they create all these foolish obstacles for these ‘niggers’ to jump over.
There are many civilised, cultivated, well-mannered, intelligent and successful black men all over the world, there’s no need for them to highlight the negatives in order to find a productive black man.
They could have left it at clean-cut; we would have got the message. The message they managed to convey, ultimately, was one of great prejudice.
It is one thing to be pursued by Great White Hunters, but to be totally disrespected so openly, well, that is a joke. At least the other hunters have some kind of tact. This couple is just blatantly rude.
Unfortunately, I doubt the brothas in Miami will take heed, instead they’ll just go out and buy the most expensive suit they can afford in order to appear clean-cut. Anything for pussy hey? It’s a crying shame! I’m pretty sure most of the black men have congregated at South Beach, Florida chanting:

LONG LIVE THE GREAT WHITE HUNTERS!

With that type of mentality they’ll need those predatory hunters to keep their floundering egos afloat.



{August 18, 2011}   Mr Shy Guy

A Trust 120 SpaceCam webcam

Image via Wikipedia

Isn’t it wonderful when you see two people in love?  Dexter and Suzy clicked on receive cam icon on their computer screen and smiled at the loving couple that were looking back at them from their web cam. This couple had potential it seemed.

Suzy and Dexter’s profile attracted lots of attention. It seemed there were scores of people who wanted to meet a young black man and a mature, Latino ‘squirty’ woman. They were inundated with invitations to meet people from all over the UK and indeed the world. But very few people who had messaged them met their criteria. Ideally, they were looking for interracial couples where the man was black or black couples as Suzy’s sexual preference (clearly) was for black men. The majority of responses were from white couples, ever hoping that they would somehow find a loophole to fit the brief. One of the more common trite replies they got was.
“Oh I’m not a black man but I’ve got a n***er dick.”
As if preference was about penis size based on an urban myth! (Although Suzy was lucky as Dexter reinforced the stereotype nicely, thanks!) Suzy’s preference was much more sophisticated than that. It would take more that just a large penis to seduce Suzy.
Suzy and Dexter had embarked on the scene as a full swap* couple as they hadn’t even considered that there were any other options available to them. It was all too new to set too many boundaries. How could they know what they didn’t want to do until they had actually done it? This whole new adventure was meant to be about expanding their horizons, not limiting them. So if Suzy was going to be prepared to have full sex with another man, it was important for her (and for Dexter) for it to be with a man she was attracted to.

Suzy and Dexter looked back at the computer screen and considered if this couple would meet their criteria. Yes, they were an interracial couple. First obstacle was overcome. The lady was an attractive, bubbly brunette. Nicely curvaceous, both Dexter and Suzy preferred a woman to have a womanly figure. Yes, both Dexter and Suzy could definitely find her attractive. She seemed lovely too, extremely chatty and open minded. She even spoke of how she had a dream of opening a brothel. An unusual enterprise they thought, but mused that she would make quite a comely Madame. Her man didn’t appear much on the screen. All they could make out of him was a shoulder that ‘Madame’ was leaning on .She seemed so in love with this man. Dexter and Suzy found that knowledge comforting. She spoke of how he was shy as a person; that they were not married but he lived with her and they had been together for five years in blissful co-habitation. She joked that she loved him nearly as much as her dog, and with that she got up to take her dog for a walk. It was clear from her puppy dog eyes when she looked at Shy Guy that she loved him far more than her canine companion. Dexter left the room to make a cup of tea. Suzy continued to chat on cam with Shy Guy.

Can a person ever truly know what their partner is really like? It appeared to Suzy that Shy Guy had metamorphosed into Sly Guy. Was this really the same man that ‘Madame’ had spoken of so highly as being the faithful, shy, respectful, committed, stay-in–the–background type of man? Here he was, at the keyboard, proposing that he and Suzy should meet, just the two of them. This man was not shy in the slightest! Suzy was taken aback at his advances and was shocked at how he had taken the slightest opportunity of his woman not being present to proposition her. It was puzzling. Suzy thought the scene was about being honest to your partner about your sexual attraction for others. This man had thrown deceit into the mix. Suzy retorted with what she thought was a reasonable question.
“How would that be fair on Dexter and your partner?”
Of course this was meant to be a rhetorical question. What Suzy thought she had projected by saying this, is:
“I’m shocked by your attempt at deceit. Take others feelings into consideration. Of course I don’t want to meet you alone!”
Unfortunately, because of the paragraph principle* * that most men (and indeed some women!) operate under, what he heard was
“I haven’t discounted that idea, but I am uncomfortable with it at the moment .Try again later.”

Dexter returned with the tea. Shy Guy, clearly panicked by Dexter’s arrival, assumed his off camera position. Suzy recounted her tale. They watched as ‘Madame’ returned from walking her second love of her life, blissfully unaware of her Shy Guy’s true colours. Dexter and Suzy were left feeling strangely burdened.
What was the etiquette in these situations? Should they tell her? Of course they shouldn’t. She would never believe them. Dopamine*** wouldn’t allow it

The following evening, ‘Madame’ appeared on IM again and requested a cam-to-cam session. Suzy and Dexter obliged. After all, they did find her company very pleasant .She was so warm and open. This time she was on her own. She chatted away for a long time exchanging pleasantries and making Suzy and Dexter laugh with her wit and charm. She liked a few glasses of wine it seemed, and grew steadily more and more intoxicated and relaxed as the night wore on. Suzy and Dexter were flattered by ‘Madame’s’ compliments and it wasn’t long before ‘things’ started to look up for Suzy, and for Madame who clearly was enjoying watching while Suzy gave Dexter slow sensual head on cam. This was fun. Madame typed away, barking out more and more excited instructions, telling them just how much she was enjoying the show and looking forward to turning cyber into reality. Dexter finished off by pounding Suzy enthusiastically from behind to the delight of Madame who masturbated frenetically until they all exploded in mutual ecstasy.
All in all, it was a rather pleasant way to spend an evening at home.

Suzy and Dexter received an email from ‘Madame’ the following day.
Sorry, we won’t be able to meet. I told my man I was on cam with you two last night and he got very upset with me. Really, really sorry. Xx

Talk about double standards! So they weren’t ever going to meet because Mr Shy Guy was upset at his woman engaging in a spot of cyber sex with Dexter and Suzy? So what about the very real life sex Shy Guy was trying to arrange with Suzy? ‘Madame’ was honest with her man, she played by the rules and this was her reward? I wonder if her email would have been any different if she had known her Shy Guy was really Sly Guy in disguise.

*Full swap: term in which swinging partners consent to have full penetrative sex with another couple. Suits fully straight couples where the intention is m/f interaction; either in the same room in front of their partner or separate rooms.  Oral./touching /kissing optional extras. As opposed to
Soft swap : boundaries usually established beforehand by the couples involved. Can range from same room own partner sex (voyeuristic) to bi women play only while men watch, to oral and manual in what ever combination but no penetrative male/female sex except with own partners.

**Paragraph principle: this is the main difference in the way men hear women’s reactions to propositions. A man will fill in the gaps between the words to suit his own interests if the woman isn’t clearly stating her intention.

***Dopamine: a chemical secreted by the brain when the person is in a state of arousal/infatuation. This chemical has two functions, 1) it makes us feel giddy and ‘in love’ helping the initial bonding, mating process, but 2) also stops us from being able to see the bigger picture, giving us emotional tunnel vision, leaving the infatuated victim with a clear case of the heart ruling the head.



{August 16, 2011}   On Webcams and competition

Strip poker

Image via Wikipedia

MR CATCHUP

Oh a web cam is a useful invention. For a few pounds you can plug this gadget into your computer and have oh so much fun! For the exhibitionists of this world (Suzy included at this point) it gave a great opportunity to show off to the whole cyber community. There was a certain thrill at first, a certain egotistical boost of having anonymous messages appearing on screen telling Suzy and Dexter how attractive and appealing they were. This thrill is a thin veneer though; it wears very dull over time.
With those compliments come expectation, and soon turn to insult when unfulfilled.
Not all people are impatient, however. Some others are smart and realise that forging a friendship can pay back dividends. Good things come to those that wait.
Introducing Mr Catchup.
He was a regular viewer on the Suzy and Dexter show. He became a familiar handle on the screen. He was part of a swinging couple from London. With his patience came results. Over time, trust was established and Mr Catchup had access to private chats on cam over IM once Dexter had established that they were a genuine couple. Mr Catchup was always keen to get naked, but Suzy stayed modest. There was a certain inhibition that came from seeing who was watching you especially when their arousal was clear. From being just a fan, Mr Catchup started to act besotted. Although Suzy was uncomfortable with this knowledge, she felt safe, as Dexter was there to support her. Mr Catchup’s partner always seemed to be sleeping (this is often an excuse used by single men pretending to have partners, but not in his case as they could see her sleeping.) Suzy and Dexter wondered why she never came to chat.
A date was set to meet.
The couples met in a busy London pub, not a good choice it turned out, and as the music was so loud they struggled to hear each other above the din. They decided to retire to Mr Catchup’s nearby apartment to continue the conversation.
The subject came around to experience on scene.
Suzy spoke of how she had had two years of experience when she had first met Dexter and introduced him into the lifestyle He was initially reticent and understandably apprehensive about it, but soon grew to be comfortable with the idea. After all, Dexter was by no means a virgin before meeting Suzy; he was quite the ladies man. Performing in front of an audience just took a bit of adjusting to. And although Suzy was older than him, he made up for that by being precociously mature for his years. Dexter was also the type of man who accepts a person for who they are when he meets them. If he had had a problem with Suzy being a swinger, he wouldn’t have stuck around. Suzy loved his non-judgemental attitude.

Mr Catchup listened attentively while Suzy told her tale. He watched her transfixed as she stroked Dexter’s arm and snuggled up close. Mr Catchup’s lady was the talkative one now from being someone so quiet on cam, she had turned out to have quite a tale to tell. She told of threesomes, foursomes, outdoor romps and mile high club adventures. She was quite the naughty lady it appeared. How deceptive can appearances be! It looked like butter wouldn’t melt in this ladies mouth. She had had more than butter in that pretty mouth of hers. As Suzy and Dexter listened open mouthed to her tale, they sensed a growing unease coming from Mr Catchup After all; none of these lurid tales involved him. And he was determined to catch up, as he told them, quite unashamedly. He related how he had a fixed agenda for the next three years in which he had to accomplish all those things that she had experienced, prior to meeting him. Did his woman have a choice? This made Dexter and Suzy feel most uncomfortable, but as they were new to the scene they had no fixed expectations. It was clear Mr Catchup and his partner expected some kind of live show from Suzy and Dexter, coyly asking if they would play a game of strip poker. They agreed to this, but the cards never materialised. Things grew more uncomfortable until Suzy and Dexter decided to call it a day in the wee small hours and slipped away into the waiting cab.
Snuggling up in bed with Dexter, a text message tone cut through the sleepy dawn air. Suzy opened it and it read:
Thanks for a lovely evening. You made us so horny we had to touch ourselves before we could get to sleep. Xx

Dexter and Suzy wondered why they didn’t touch each other. Suzy sleepily reached for Dexter’s stiffening member and slipped it inside her moist softness as they drifted off to sleep.



{August 10, 2011}   Sauna adventures

There is a part of life that while not exactly hidden away, remains pretty much out of the public eye. Saunas fit that category. While most people know about the existence of gay saunas and all that goes on there, not too many people are aware of the goings on at the local health spa/sauna in your high street.

Suzy first heard of these places when she had first split from her husband. A chance meeting with a stranger at a wedding who was dressed as a highwayman (Suzy was dressed as an Eighteenth Century lady, it was a themed wedding) had led to a brief, but life-changing encounter. During this dalliance this dark stranger would tell her that she would have many lovers (something that Suzy found hard to believe) and that he would love to take her to a sauna where strangers would pleasure each other openly in the steamy, heady atmosphere. This sounded like fantasy to Suzy at the time and she dismissed the suggestion as mere over excitement on his behalf.
Suzy was later to find out that the stranger was right. She was to have many lovers. And these places most certainly existed.

To the man in the street, these saunas were places where health nuts and naturists would go to hang out (literally) in the jacuzzis, saunas and steam rooms. To those in the know, however, that was just the beginning. There was a locked door accessed by a nod at the receptionist which revealed a staircase which led to a complex of small cubicles (private massage rooms) that were ostensibly for massage and were limited to couples only. Suzy had been taken there a few times by men she had met on the scene and had enjoyed entire days of hedonism, punctuated only by the odd plunge in the pool to freshen up. It was a place for couples to meet other couples, to socialise in the jacuzzis and to take things further upstairs if it came to that. Suzy thought it was time she introduced Dexter to these delights.

It took a lot of persuading. The first thing to get over was the fact that no clothes were allowed. Only towels preserved modesty, but towels had to be hung up before stepping into the jacuzzi. Dexter was a very modest person. He had a great body, but was the type of man who would keep on his shirt even when the sun was beating down. Suzy reassured him that he would soon overcome his shyness once the initial step was taken. With reassurance that they didn’t have to stay if Dexter hated it, ringing in his ears, they both set off to the North London Sauna, just on the high street right next to a very popular burger chain. It was hardly discreet. Suzy wondered what the average passer by on the street would think if they knew what really went on behind those doors. They paid their entrance fee, picked up their fluffy white towels and pushed through the doors.

It didn’t take long before Suzy was in the jacuzzi. She sat in the bubbling water waiting for Dexter to join her. She felt eyes burning into her. She looked around and saw two men staring at her intently. Where was Dexter? As much as she liked this place, it made her feel uneasy and vulnerable to be by herself without the reassurance of being visibly spoken for. Eventually Suzy got out of the jacuzzi, wrapped a towel around herself to preserve her modesty and went to look for Dexter. She found him talking to another black man near the sauna. Dexter was finding the experience hard, and this other man was telling him to relax and chill out. Suzy went for a swim and left Dexter chatting.
There was a camera trained on the swimming pool that was visible at the bar. Suzy hadn’t realised it but everyone at the bar could see her swimming naked. She wondered why as soon as she went for a swim, the edges of the pool would fill up with single men. Dexter sat down at the side of the pool and watched Suzy swim back and forth. He felt eyes burning into the back of his head. He turned around and saw a large, short, blonde woman sitting in the jacuzzi surrounded by men, staring straight at him. Surely he was mistaken? Maybe she was staring at someone else. He turned back around. Suzy splashed him and shouted for him to join her in the pool. Dexter wasn’t really in the mood. Suzy soon had company. The same large lady had jumped in right next to Suzy and was chatting in a rather familiar way. Suzy immediately was on her defensive. This woman’s intentions were clear. She was making it known to Suzy that she fancied both her and Dexter and that she wanted to join them upstairs for some fun. Well that was the polite way of putting it. There wasn’t a polite way of declining  this woman’s advances. She wasn’t going to hear it, clearly. Suzy started to get irritated. If there was one thing she couldn’t tolerate in people and that was vulgarity. The woman’s name was Sam and she said she was a regular to the sauna. Suzy tried to make small talk, but this woman always steered it round to sexual matters. Suzy told her how she was bisexual too and was on scene and was a ‘squirter’. Sam looked slightly befuddled and then claimed to be a ‘squirter’ too. Did she really know what that was? It seemed to be an anything you can do I can do better type of conversation thus far, so Suzy wasn’t sure. Before I continue this story, maybe I should explain to any of you who haven’t come across the phenomenon of female ejaculation, just what ‘squirting’ is, and no, it isn’t piss! (Well not entirely)
The myths that female ejaculation is the result of poor bladder control, or excess secretion which sweats from the vaginal walls and pools in the back of the vagina to squirt out during the strong muscle contractions of orgasm, have been proven wrong. For decades many women felt it dreadfully abnormal and tried to hide or avoid it. Physicians in their ignorance tried to cure it. By questioning many women, researchers have established that about one woman in five ejaculates (through her urethra rather than her vagina), some of the time but not always. The stimulation of the G-spot produces both her ejaculation and her deep uterine contractions.

Okay, that’s the Science bit over, now back to the sauna:
Dexter jumped in the pool and Sam was on him like a shot. She grabbed at Dexter’s penis under the water and told him that her pum pum needed filling. That was final confirmation of vulgarity for Suzy so she thought she’d leave Dexter to it. She got out of the pool and went and sat in the nearby jacuzzi. After a while Dexter joined her. He was closely followed behind by Sam who plopped herself down unceremoniously a little too closely to the both of them.
Suzy was not in a good mood. This was not how she wanted to spend the day.
Dexter was very surprised at her aloofness. He had never seen Suzy behave with such animosity towards anyone before. Suzy ignored Sam as she tried to make small talk, and winced as Sam tried unsuccessfully to turn Suzy on by playing with her feet. Suzy almost laughed out loud as Sam thrust her stumpy feet into Dexter’s face. Did Sam really think Dexter was going to suck toes that looked like that? Suzy looked down through the bubbly water at her small, compact feet with carefully painted red toenails and smiled. She knew how much Dexter loved sucking her toes.

A middle aged black man with the most unattractive mouth and teeth that Suzy had ever seen came to sit in the jacuzzi. Dexter asked Sam if that was her partner as he had seen her sitting with him earlier. Sam vehemently denied it and explained that he was someone with whom she frequented the sauna .She pointedly remarked that he was definitely not her boyfriend. Suzy wished he would keep her busy and leave them both alone. This woman was really starting to annoy her. Suzy stood up, wrapped her towel around her, and whispered to Dexter that she was escaping to the sauna.
It was a relief to get away from that woman, Suzy thought, as she lay back naked in the sauna, the intense heat prickling her skin and creating diamante –like beads of sweat all over her body. This felt good. She lay there with Dexter and they chatted away, amused at the constant to-ing and fro-ing of the single (mainly Turkish) men as they spotted naked female flesh through the small cabin window. A few braver souls actually sat down opposite Suzy with their erections proudly on display. Suzy didn’t know whether to be flattered or saddened. Dexter shook his head at this pathetic desperate display. When the heat got overbearing and their bodies were running with rivulets of sweat, Dexter and Suzy showered and ventured upstairs after receiving the nod from reception that unlocked the secret stairway to the rooms upstairs.

They found a red painted corridor full of doorways leading into tiny rooms with just plastic covered mattresses and the occasional scruffy pillow. This was like a grown up version of Alice in Wonderland thought Suzy, except there was no need to ‘eat me’ to enter any of the doors. They selected a small room with the cleanest looking mattress, shut the door firmly and got down to business. It was important to make sure the door was firmly shut as they found out later…

The atmosphere in the tiny red room was highly charged. There was something strangely intense and exhilarating about being in such a small space that was specifically designed for sex. Suzy felt delightfully naughty and Dexter could feed off of her excitement. The muffled sounds of other people chatting and moaning filtered through the thin walls.  Suzy lay back on the hard rubber mattress and Dexter stood over her, his erection standing out strong and proud. Suzy feasted her eyes on this wonderful specimen of masculinity standing above her. There was something incredibly delicious about being prone and feeling submissive to her man. Even though Suzy was often the sexual aggressor and instigator in matters sexual, she so loved it when Dexter took control. It made her feel so womanly. He straddled her head and she rubbed his hard cock all over her face, drowning in his powerful aphrodisiac smell. When the tip brushed over her lips, she couldn’t resist the temptation to envelop his turgid member in her mouth. There was something about Dexter’s cock that amazed Suzy. It seemed to possess an energy that was tangible. She felt it throb and pulsate in her mouth as she carefully caressed it with her mouth and lips. She covered his dick with lots of spittle and used her hand in a vice like grip and masturbated him hard. He moaned and thrust his hips towards her face. Once he could take the teasing no longer, he pushed Suzy’s legs over her head and fucked her: with undulating strokes that drove Suzy wild. She could take it no longer and came with an enormous gush, spraying her own ejaculate in her face. Dexter and Suzy both collapsed in a fit of giggles. Then Dexter turned her over on her knees on the platform mattress while he stood on the floor. Her heart shaped bottom was just at the right level to fuck her doggy-style until she came, again and again. With a shudder and moan, Dexter arched his back and came too. When they had both recovered from the post-coital blackout, they looked at the floor. Suzy’s ejaculate was all over the floor and running out under a crack under the door. . They needed to do some serious cleaning up.

Suzy decided that she should go and get fresh towels from the bar downstairs while Dexter used the old ones to mop up the deluge. Passers by in the corridor were wondering what had gone on in their room. They were soon to find out…

When Suzy got to the bar downstairs, her heart sank. There was Sam sitting on a stool at the bar. She grinned at Suzy. Suzy read the expression on her face as a leer. She just didn’t like that woman. “Hey, where’ve you been? I want to lick your fanny!” Sam blurted out. Suzy wished the ground would open up and swallow her. Why did this woman have to be so crass? Suzy flashed a nervous smile and tried to walk as quickly as she could away from the source of her embarrassment, fresh towels in hand.

Dexter and Suzy spent an hour or so lounging around in the TV area, luxuriating in each other’s presence until it was time to go upstairs again. The lure of those stairs was too strong to resist. As they passed by a few of the cubicles in the red corridor they were greeted by a familiar voice. Oh no. It was Sam. She was sitting in the very room that Dexter and Suzy had christened earlier, with a few men surrounding her.
“Hey, sexy! Can I join you two?” she barked out.
Suzy really was tired of this woman
“No you can’t!” she said, her mood quite clear.
It seemed that Sam had got the message. As Dexter and Suzy retired to the room opposite by themselves, she clearly heard Sam as she hissed:
“Bitch!”

Suzy smiled as they pushed the door closed. They couldn’t completely close the door as it had lost the door handle but they thought nothing of it. There was only a crack of light visible at the doorframe. Not too much to destroy the illusion of privacy.
Suzy lay down on the mattress once again, legs splayed, inviting Dexter to get to work. And work he duly did, using his hands and a fist to skilfully milk her pussy until she was on planet sex.

Unbeknownst to our horny couple, the people outside the door were becoming intrigued by the curious moans and splashing noises they could hear coming from the room.
Deep in the throes of seriously strong ejaculatory orgasms, Suzy didn’t hear the slow creaking of the door as it was pushed slowly ajar. Not until she felt a sharp slap on her backside did she realise that they were not alone. By this stage she was past caring and she encouraged Dexter to continue his manipulations, causing Suzy to gush five foot fountains into the air. A voice cut through the sexually charged silence:
“It has to be piss…
This brought Suzy down to earth with a bump as she became aware of a rather large audience crowding in at the door. Dexter and Suzy stopped what they were doing and addressed their curious audience who were stunned at what they had witnessed. Suzy then held court and answered questions that were thrown at her from the intrigued crowd of at least ten strong. She addressed the comment that had alerted them to the audience’s presence initially, explaining that no, whilst the liquid that came out of her during orgasm, came from the urethra, it most definitely wasn’t urine and that she could empty her bladder before and after such episodes, proving her point. Scientific tests had shown that female ejaculate contains minute quantities of uric acid, but it was definitely not urine but the female equivalent of prostate fluid. It didn’t taste, smell, feel or look like urine either. Suzy pondered that Sam had said she was a squirter. The man, who had said it had to be piss, was her swinging partner. He had clearly never seen this phenomenon before.
Suzy and Dexter spent the best part of half an hour holding the most surreal question and answer session that they had ever experienced in their lives before.
What a bizarre afternoon!
Dexter and Suzy giggled as they showered together. Now THAT was fun!



{July 29, 2011}   Meet Dexter

Life is funny sometimes.
It amazes me when I look back on my life and see how things used to be. At present, the majority of people in my life know me as “Dexter St Jock” or just plain Dexter for short.
This name doesn’t mean anything to my parents. They wouldn’t dream of calling me anything else but the name they gave me at birth. To this day they have no idea why friends call me Dexter. I intend to keep it that way.

For those of you who are not familiar with comedy, Dexter is a character created by the legendary Eddie Murphy.
This character is a West Indian man with great charm and an even greater member in-between his legs. Fellas, you wouldn’t want to leave your woman alone with this man!
From an early age I found this character fascinating and was determined to be just like him. I already had the package downstairs and over time I would attain the charm and gift of the gab.

Every so-called player has his own approach or technique, depending on what you want to call it.
Some guys are real smooth just like a pimp, others play the cool, mysterious type (this works a treat). Myself, I choose to keep it natural. What you see is what you get, a well-mannered guy with a twinkle in his eye. I let my mouth do all the work but I never let the conversation get sexual. I talked to women the way I would a man, as a potential friend.
For some strange reason this seemed to work. The initial opinion a woman had of me would transform immensely. I would go from being a handsome, sweet guy to being drop-dead gorgeous and sexy! It was amazing how a levelheaded conversation could sway a lady sometimes.
In such a short space of time I’ve had more sexual partners than most men have had in their entire lifetime. I’m not claiming it’s something to be proud of rather just stating a fact.
Most men, married or single, are on a mission to seek and destroy; to conquer as many women as possible before they get too old to do so.
Unfortunately, most men don’t have the know how to do just that, so can only dream of it or watch from afar with envy, as other men live out their aspirations for them.

It wasn’t always this easy for me. I wasn’t always known as Dexter: in my early teens. I was known as plain old Leeroy; the chubby cheeked boy with a constant smile on his face.
I was one of those guys who blossomed late. I wasn’t pleasing on the eye according to the girls at my secondary school. As far as they were concerned I was “ugly as fuck”, big spread nose and rubber-lips to match. At that time, mixed-race or light-skinned black boys were the fashion! Having a chocolate complexion only made my situation worse than it already was.
Most people have fond memories of secondary school, not me! All the good-looking, popular boys with bad reputations got all the female attention. I, on the other hand, got constant insults from the opposite sex.
It was odd because the girls I knew from the area I lived in didn’t share the same opinion, they didn’t really find me attractive but they never had a bad word to say about me As far as they were concerned I was as sweet as pie.
If only the girls at school felt the same way, it would have made school a lot more enjoyable to attend.

Things did improve in the last couple of years at secondary school. I began to grow into my looks and after a trip to the States, I gained a brand new air of confidence.
I visited my aunt in West Palm Beach, Florida for two months. During my stay there I was Mr. Popular!
Everybody for at least ten blocks caught wind of the Black, English kid. All the teenagers wanted to know who I was and to be associated with me.
Up to this point, my life had been very boring. I couldn’t believe the fun I was having being the centre of attention.
I didn’t trick these kids by pretending to be something I was not. I didn’t need to; they built a whole new character for me that I went along with. They’d have been stunned to know that back home in the U.K I was the butt of many jokes.
This was the best time of my life up to that point and I consequently didn’t want to go back to London but had no choice. I decided I had to figure out a way to maintain that same feeling back home.

To be honest I didn’t manage to pull it off the way I would have liked, but at least everybody around me acknowledged there was something different about me.
The girls at school began to lighten up on the insults and in due time the jokes stopped. Period.
The girls around the way began to respond differently also. I was no longer just sweet as pie; I was now attractive to boot. This was when my life changed for the better.

A new air of confidence made the difference. A couple of successful fights also helped a great deal. Sometimes being feared was just as effective as being respected.
To cut a long story short, let’s just say that I changed over time to become a nice guy with a bit of a reputation and a few ladies on his arm for effect.

Despite having a few things that most men desire, I’ve never really felt at ease with my life. I guess it’s because I’m always reminded that I could have achieved more with myself. I’m a very intelligent person but with not much to show for it. I’ve done okay for myself financially, but people around me, such as family and close friends, always expected more of me from an academic point of view.
As far as everyone was concerned, I was supposed to do great things with my life, make a difference in the world we live in, stamp my place in human history.
Yes, I have a high IQ but does that mean I have to live out your dreams for you? That was the impression I always got, that I was living for them and not myself.
The grades I got in school were never good enough for the people around me. I was more than capable of getting straight A’s but I was content with doing just enough and receiving B’s with the occasional grade A in there somewhere.
Why should I have pushed myself that extra mile? The work never interested me enough for me to have really exerted myself to that extent.
Its funny, I often wish I had heeded my parents’ advice. I should have pushed myself to the very limit, as it would have been worth it in the long run as I would have been more content with the way my life turned out.
The job I have now pays well but had I pushed myself back then, I would have given myself more opportunities rather than being stuck in a job that I don’t enjoy but can’t really afford to quit.
I shouldn’t really complain as many people are far worse off than I am, but it would have been nice to have been one of those people who looked forward to waking up and going to work.
As for me, on the other hand, I could never wait to exit the building so as to indulge myself in one of the few things I enjoyed and did well: charming the socks (or should I say tights) off women!

There is always a down side to having multiple women in your life. It could be hard to get rid of them when you wanted some ‘alone time.’
As soon as you got rid of one, another one would pop up out of nowhere. Men who have never had the experience of having numerous sex partners will probably be wondering what the problem is. Trust me; no matter who you are, everybody needs time to be by themselves so they can either ponder on previous events that have happened or plan for the future.
Having more than one clingy female didn’t help, but I couldn’t really complain, as I shouldn’t have put myself in that position. Let’s face it, in my early teens I never would have imagined that there could be pit falls to having lots of sexual partners. As far as I was concerned at the time, it was a fantasy that had no flaws. Despite all that, it didn’t stop me from seeking out new girls, sad to say, but at that time in my life I needed variety.
Like the late great rapper Big Pun once said: “I don’t discriminate, I regulate every shade of arse!”
That was me in a nut shell. I couldn’t give a damn where you came from as long as you were attractive it didn’t matter to me.

As time went by I accumulated many aliases, one that was used frequently was the International Playa.
I had always thought this was a slight exaggeration on my pulling power but without realising it, I had managed to lay with girls from all over the world! This wasn’t my intention, just the way it had happened.
There were girls from Brazil, Cuba, Hong Kong, Thailand, Singapore, a handful from Spain, France, Hungary, Italy, Finland, Sweden, Australia and even a white chick from South Africa! How I had pulled that off was beyond me.
It seemed I was quite the globe trotter, my friends were envious and were mystified as to how I had managed it; to be honest so was I.
I never had a game plan, I just did what I did and somehow I always ended up with a result. Whether that was through luck, charm or both, who knows?
The strange thing about this habit of pulling women was that you sometimes needed to be heartless to maintain this lifestyle and avoid any possible drama. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have it in me to be that cold to a female, hence the fact I sometimes had clingy type women on my case.

I’m the type of person who feels embarrassed for other people. If I witness someone else making a fool of themselves, I cringe; I’m not quite sure why.
Having a female beg for just a little of your time can be ego boosting the first couple of times it happens, but as you grow older and begin to mature it becomes annoying.
I would sometimes get the urge to shake these girls like rag dolls and tell them to come to their senses. There wasn’t a man living worth that much hassle, especially not me.
You’re probably wondering if I ever had a relationship anywhere between those exploits of mine. The answer to your question is yes.

I had two relationships during my peak as a so-called playa. I tried my best to make them work and believe it or not, I never strayed once while courting.
I’ll be brief, the first relationship took place when I was seventeen years old, it didn’t last very long although I thought at the time that we stood a chance.
She was stunning, the kind of woman you see in movies. Think of Halle Berry and Beyonce meshed together to make one woman.
Add a little Arab spice and long hair and there you had it: Naomi, seventeen years old and sexy as fuck! Did I forget to mention? She was also rich as hell.
Her money was never an issue with me but as far as my friends were concerned I would have been a fool to let that one slip out of my hands. The good looks and money combination was most men’s dream come true.
We appeared to be perfectly matched but that appeared to be the problem, we were too much alike so we would often clash.
These arguments were stormy to say the least. Damn this girl had a temper. What triggered these famous temper tantrums? 
My reputation.
She was insanely jealous and couldn’t deal with the fact that I had slept with a lot of girls. It didn’t help that there were girls back then scheming to get their hands on me, all because they had heard rumours about my endowment from some chick and had to find out whether or not it was true.
There were many girls that I also considered friends, girls that I had no sexual history with but as far as Naomi was concerned, any bitch I was chatting to meant trouble.
I couldn’t deal with that level of jealously, it was totally uncalled for. There were more important things to me than how good you looked or how much money you had, so we parted company.

Skip about seven years, during that time I had more women in my life, some were one-off flings, others were regular sex partners.
Over that period of time I began to calm down. I was no longer congregating with the boys for wild nights out on the pull and I kept the number of girls I saw down to a minimum. Was I maturing as an adult or just growing tired of my way of life?

One of the girls I would meet on a regular basis was a sweet Oriental girl from Hong Kong called Sam. We met through a mutual friend at a local drink up and continued to see each other for casual sex for the next five months or so.
During the time spent together, we developed feelings for each other and I decided to give a relationship a go. Why not? We were both adults.
Her previous boyfriend had been very controlling and jealous.  I guess she had become accustomed to that kind of behaviour, as my approach to relationships was totally different and this took her by surprise.
I wasn’t usually one for relationships but as far as I was then concerned I’d be damned if any woman was going to change or control me, so why should I have tried to do the same to her?
As long as we were honest with each other we could both do as we pleased. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Initially she struggled to adapt to that much freedom, such as being able to go out clubbing with friends and not be questioned. I was not her father, so who was I to interrogate her? That was and remains my outlook.
As she adapted to this new relationship, I noticed a change in her, she suddenly began to abuse my trust.
She appeared to mistake my politeness for weakness. Suddenly she seemed to think she could order me about in front of her friends; that was a very bad idea!
Nobody talks to me like I’m a boy, not even my father. He’s well aware that I’m now a man so I would never allow another human being to undermine my status as a proud man.
Her behaviour would often lead to me giving her a tongue-lashing. I tried to drum it into her head that I was fair but no fool, so not to attempt to treat me like one.
As months went by, I began to realise why her ex-boyfriend had kept her in shackles. Clearly this girl didn’t know how to act when given freedom.
I can’t elaborate on how this relationship ended but let’s just say that it wasn’t amicable, there remains to this day a lot of bad blood between us.

So much for relationships. For these very reasons I tried to stay away from them. I thought maybe seeing a large number of women was the only way to go.
Problem was, the more women you had the more problems you got. I decided to keep the number of casual sex partners down to a minimum, just enough variety to keep me happy.
No need to be greedy, I had already been there and done that, it was now all about quality and not quantity although my standard of fuck-buddies had always been high.

As time went on, I became bored of the gals I had. I know it sounds awful but I needed more variety in my life.
My best friend Bentley was now in the position that I once found myself in: too many girls to handle.
He didn’t care though; he’s what you would call a classic playa, “the Predator”. He loves the hunt; he simply can’t help himself.
To think that when we were teenagers he used to judge me for my exploits, he thought I was immoral for what I was doing at the time.
Oh how the tables had turned! I often teased him about his once ‘holier than thou’ attitude to women. Damn, he was self-righteous back in the day!
For some reason or another he didn’t like the idea of me slowing down. It wasn’t like I didn’t have girls at my disposal; it was just that there weren’t as many as before. He would often attempt to persuade me to attend a boys’ night out on the town. I would always decline as it was no longer my scene.
I had always reassured him that my slowing down wasn’t an indication that our friendship was coming to an end. No matter what, he was my boy for life; I would always love and respect him.
That didn’t appear to be good enough for him, as far as he was concerned I was the “Pimp Daddy”, the International Playa, for me not to be the number one ladies man didn’t seem right and made him feel uncomfortable.

One time at his house he introduced me the so-called joys of Internet dating. He tried to convince me that this was the way of the future.
Expensive nights out in clubs on the prowl were no longer essential to get want you wanted. The Internet provided everything.
He did a pretty good job of convincing me too. He was a member of a site much similar to Myspace but not on such a big scale. It wasn’t specifically for dating but that didn’t stop him.
His inbox was full of messages from pretty ladies wanting to meet him. His profile was well crafted; pictures of him in his flashy sports car served him well. Girls really did love cars and money after all.
Many of these girls lived abroad, Germany and Tunisia to name a few. Bentley was flash but he didn’t have a private jet at his disposal.

There was one girl that he was determined to meet; she was called Tiffany, a model from Jamaica. When I viewed the pictures on her profile, I could understand why my friend was so eager to meet her.
She was a stunner. Bentley liked the fact that my jaw dropped at the very sight of this girl’s beauty. 
At that point I was no longer sceptical of meeting people online.
Tiffany appeared to share his eagerness to meet. She said that she would be visiting London for work purposes and would love to meet up with him during her stay.
I knew my friend had pulling power but I never knew he was this good. He had already met a handful of girls in his network, but this one would end up being the prize of all prizes.

Over the next couple of days he began to receive messages from other men, some he knew and some he didn’t, warning him that he shouldn’t meet with Tiffany as she was actually born a “he”.
Bentley brushed this off as jealously. As far as he was concerned they were just jealous that he had succeeded where they had all failed.
I advised him to be cautious. Why would they have all made such an effort to inform him of this, if there were no truth behind it?  It was clear to see they had had some kind of contact with this person in the past as she appeared in all of their networks.
At that point his ears pricked up. I guess he needed to hear it from someone he held in high esteem rather than from a complete stranger or an associate that he didn’t really care for.
He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to ask such a difficult question. After all, any genuine woman would be insulted by such an insinuation that they could possibly be a man. That would definitely squash any chance of a potential meet.
Luckily for my friend he didn’t have to worry. Fortunately for him someone had posted a blog featuring stark naked full frontal pictures of Tiffany.
Yes indeed, this was a dude with very heavy equipment; the kind of tools any male porn star would be proud of!
Bentley didn’t seem too fazed by this. He said that she/he was just one person of many; there were many more fish in the sea.
I tried to tell him that this was nothing more than pure luck and if he didn’t believe me, that I would personally join a similar site to put my theory to the test.

A few days passed. This whole Internet business was the last thing on my mind; I did have a life after all!
When I had some time on my hands I thought I might as well run a search engine for similar sites. The results I came up with were unexpected. Rather than regular dating and networking sites, it gave me a list of popular swinging sites. Although these sites were much more in your face and full on than the site Bentley was a member of, the premise was all the same.
I chose the most popular site. Like most sites they claim to be totally free but once you sign up you come crashing down to earth really quickly.
In order to contact anyone you have to pay a fee. I thought why the hell not? It was not like I couldn’t afford it.
I quickly paid for a gold membership on my credit card and began to create my profile.
After witnessing the success that Bentley had had with his profile I was well aware I had to create a profile that was eye catching. I’m all about words, posing for a picture in a fancy car just wouldn’t represent my personality.
I wrote a detailed and honest profile and added a few modest pictures. Profiles without pictures often get passed by, so beware if you choose to go this route. I made my preference clear: I wanted to meet single women for no-strings-attached fun. I would also consider couples should they be interested.
I had never been in a threesome with a couple before but thought what the hell! I didn’t actually believe I’d receive that much interest anyway.
Much to my surprise it wasn’t long before I received a whole bunch of messages in my inbox. None of the people in question were my type as such, but nevertheless I had responses.
One email was from a gay male, how he figured we were a possible match was beyond me!  What I would come to find in due time was that some people don’t care what you want; they’ll force themselves on you regardless. I guess this is how it feels for women when they’re pestered by unattractive men.
As time went by I amazed myself. Was I really this appealing to the swingers of the world? It felt odd to turn away potential meets but I wasn’t going to meet just because they were chasing me.
Initially this was a quest to prove to my good friend that the Internet was no place to meet women. It had now gone way beyond that and had turned into my own little platform for meeting women.
It was hard for me to believe how addicted I had become. I had always presumed that only men who couldn’t pull in the real world wasted time with sites like this.
Here I was, a man who had had trouble getting rid of women, surfing the net engaging in this new found world of swinging.
I wasn’t focusing on the meets as such, not to say I would turn them down if the right person came along, but it seemed every person I came into contact with had a story to tell.

These people seemed to have wild sex lives, way more exciting than mine and to think that so many dudes I knew envied me for the number of women I’ve had in my time!
These people were engaging in the kind of sex you only see in porn movies. This wasn’t fantasy for them it was their reality.
I thought I’d seen and done it all but clearly not. This was my chance to sample the things that most people could only dream about.

This site I had joined had many features: blogs, sex workshops, magazines etc. One thing that caught my eye was the most popular list. As you can guess, it had categories for single women, single men, couples and even TV’s.
I would often check out the most popular women’s chart. Damn! There were some gorgeous ladies in this list but most of them were in America. It was more than likely they wouldn’t be interested in me even if they were only two blocks away but it would have been nice to have had the option to write to them even if there was even a slight possibility.
I never did check out the men’s list. I’m neither gay nor bi curious/sexual so I didn’t see the need to.
One day something hit me, maybe I should check out the competition and see what they brought to the table that made them so popular?
To my surprise I was in the top ten! I thought I must have been seeing things, but I wasn’t.
There had to be some kind of explanation for this, maybe there had been a glitch with the site or something. I thought I’d give it a couple of days to see if the site resumed to normal status.
Sure enough, a couple of days later there I still was, I had now leap-frogged into the top five, this was incredible! I had never anticipated, even in my wildest dreams, that I could be so popular, especially since I had yet to meet anyone from the site.
I had been receiving a lot of emails but presumed that others would have had ten times as much in their inbox. There were many men whom I considered to be way more attractive than myself on this site, so I thought I couldn’t be any competition.
I noticed that the guys above me were all gay with very full on profiles. These guys were no joke; they all had plenty of testimonials from other men they had met.
In fact everyone in the top ten other than me had a minimum of five testimonials from people they had actually met and had had fun with.

I guessed that was the next step, to actually take the plunge and meet somebody. I couldn’t believe how nervous the prospect of a meet made me. I had been with untold women in my short life but somehow these people intimidated the hell out of me, I was clearly a rookie amongst professionals.
My first meet was with a woman who went by the name of Karen; her handle on scene was Candygirl. She was an attractive brunette, thirty years of age living in East London.
She had messaged me a few days previously but I didn’t have the courage to agree to a date. She came across as very sexually aggressive and made sure to tell me that she would give my black cock a right seeing to when she saw me. I wasn’t sure what this meant but by swinging terms it could have meant anything.
She was married but had a single female profile. Her husband approved of her playing solo as long as he got to hear all the juicy details of her sex encounters; true sex stories made him horny apparently!  What ever floats your boat, hey?
We agreed to meet each other during the week. She had kids but they would be at school when I made my visit.
I made my way to the address she gave via public transport. As I left the bus at the appropriate stop I could feel the eagles swooping about in my stomach.
As I made a turn down her street, it got worse. If I’m totally honest, I thought I was going to shit myself for real. Any second now I was about to embarrass myself big time.
I looked around for a public toilet. I was never the type to use one of these things but my arse was about to explode, I couldn’t see one.
The only choice I had was to make my way to her house and ask to use her toilet; hardly a great first impression but I didn’t have a choice. There was no way my bowels would hold out much longer.
I made my way to door number 19. As soon as I knocked on the door it suddenly stopped; the bowel movement, the eagles suddenly disappeared! What the hell was going on?
I’m usually the epitome of cool when it comes to the opposite sex and there I stood a bag of nerves but once I reached my destination I was myself again. How odd!
I was very pleased with what I saw before me, she looked good in her pictures but way better in person. She had on a lace outfit, which didn’t leave much to the imagination but I wasn’t about to complain.
I was surprised that she opened the door dressed like that. What if the neighbours saw? It wasn’t my problem after all, that was for her and the husband to deal with.
She invited me in and led me to the living area; she quickly offered me a drink. This was all very normal, not at all what I had expected.
She came back from the kitchen with my fruit juice and sat beside me. We must have engaged in small talk for around ten minutes before she made it very clear we weren’t there to talk!
“Excuse me”
With that said she began to rub my crotch and kiss me. Her lace outfit was crotch less. I wonder why?
I didn’t waste any time laying her back and putting my tongue to work. I had nothing to be scared of at all, this was just like regular casual sex with the exception that we had met online and didn’t know each other at all.
I was down there for quite some time. She wasn’t complaining at all but wasn’t content with just a tongue. She wanted dick and I was more than willing to give it to her. I found her extremely sexy and didn’t want to waste any more time.
She led me upstairs to the bedroom, we undressed and you can guess the rest.

Usually sex with someone you have just met isn’t great, it usually takes a while to get to know their body and what makes them feel good.
In this case the sex was great, although we did have time on our hands. I arrived at her place just after 9.30 am and didn’t leave till after 2pm, so we were at it for a while.

We met a few more times after that but she suddenly began to get a little bit too personal. I saw signs of her developing feelings for me, which was out of the question. Yes I found her attractive but I had never agreed to anything more than what we had first arranged.
She asked for me to be her regular. I refused.  I didn’t think it was a good idea, as I couldn’t see anything good coming of it. I had presumed, wrongly in this instance, that this woman was an experienced swinger and didn’t allow emotions to get in the way.
I was the only guy on scene she had met more than once for sex. I didn’t see this as a problem as she was married, but I could sense trouble ahead so I bailed out with the quickness.

I managed to encounter a few more women on scene. Some were women with cuckold husbands; others were young girls looking in the wrong places for love. It seemed the scene wasn’t all what it was cracked up to be after all.
Very few women, with whom I came into contact, embodied the true spirit of swinging: the type of women who live for the moment and have no hang-ups whatsoever. The type of women that didn’t have time for emotional attachment, the kind of women that would kick you out as soon as she’d done fucking the shit out of you.

There was this one woman who fitted the profile perfectly. She was a white lady in her late thirties, from the outskirts of London who had a cuckold husband.
Her profile stated clearly that she preferred black men although men of all races were welcome as long as they were toned and well endowed. She ran an online sex store from the comforts of her home, whips, chains, dildos; the works. This was the kind of woman I had expected to meet from the very beginning.
We spoke often on the phone, we had garnered a good rapport with each other but unfortunately what I later learned unsettled me greatly.
She told me that her husband was very ill and unable to have sex. Now many people reading this would ask me what the problem was as I already knew they were a cuckold couple.
Many men from cuckold couples are more than capable of having sex, they just choose not to as they maybe submissive sexually or just voyeurs.
The fact that this man was extremely ill; he was in and out of hospital on a regular basis didn’t sit well with me. This made me wonder how she found the time to meet strangers for sex with a sick husband and three kids to look after.
Yes, this woman fitted the mould of a classic freaky swinger that I had been searching for, but I didn’t fancy shagging the shit out of a woman while her husband watched; not because he wanted to but because he didn’t have a choice.
We never did meet, it seemed sex was a definite prospect but I guess our conversations killed that possibility. That’s what I got for being a chatterbox, too much information received.

The next lady in question would open my eyes drastically. Her name was Suzy; a sexy Latino lady who also had an appetite for black men.
Unlike many other women who single out the brothas she actually requested for only West Indian men to contact her. A lot of women who are not black are ignorant to the fact that we are not all the same.
This lady was well aware that black people didn’t all come from the exact same place, that there were visible cultural differences within the race.
It was funny because initially I was sceptical about messaging her, she had a face picture on her profile, which I thought was bold and risky for any woman to do.
The picture displayed what I can only describe as a “ghetto fabulous” woman, huge hoop earrings and a scowl that exuded attitude.
Not that there is anything wrong with being ghetto fabulous, but it is not such an attractive trait for a so-called professional woman in her mid thirties. Despite this we exchanged personal IM addresses.
Our first chat online was hardly a conversation, in fact I recall nothing more than a sentence from her. She quickly invited me to view her cam.
I accepted, presuming her intention was to prove to me she was a genuine woman, but what I got was a full on web cam show.
Let’s just say all I could see was wet pussy and litres of ejaculating fluid. Was I supposed to be impressed by this?
It became pretty obvious that I wasn’t the only guy viewing the display. Unfortunately for her I had other options, unlike the other prats that were egging her on.
It wasn’t long before I stopped viewing her cam and logged out of IM without saying goodbye. I wasn’t about to pamper this woman’s ego. I’m not the type to wank over a cam show. Why should I when I have a healthy sex life? I decided I wouldn’t be saying hello to this woman anytime soon.

A couple days later, whilst I was on IM her name popped up online. I didn’t message her as I didn’t have anything to say.
After five minutes or so she messaged me to say hello. It became clear she was waiting for me to say hello first but realised it just wasn’t going to happen.
I’m sure as a genuine woman on scene, the moment your name appears on IM every man online jumps to say hello; not this nigga!
She asked me where I had disappeared to the other night. I told her that what she had been doing wasn’t my cup of tea so I logged out. I didn’t see any point in not telling the truth.
She seemed surprised by this response but nevertheless embarked on a normal conversation. We chatted for an hour or so about work and life in general. She told me she had two daughters from her previous  marriage and now that she was free she was working the circuit to find out what she had been missing whilst being married.
That was fair enough. At least I knew I had a grasp of a real human being rather than just a wet pussy on a screen. Now we were getting somewhere.
Sex is sex, but I needed to know something about the person I intended to sleep with. If you have no information then you never know what you could be getting yourself into. Although our conversation was light-hearted, I wasn’t totally convinced by this woman. The previous two women had had something for me to consider and I wasn’t sure Suzy hadn’t either; although she gave the impression she had no hang-ups.
A couple of months and many IM conversations later, as we had yet to establish whether we would ever meet, Suzy would often suggest a date and I’d always find an excuse.
Eventually Suzy asked why we had yet to exchange numbers. She suggested that we chatted on the phone, as it was easier to communicate with voice rather than words on a screen. I agreed with her that this was a valid point and I made a decision to call her later on that day. I had just finished work when I decided to call her. The phone rang a couple of times before she picked up the call. To my surprise this well-spoken woman answered the phone.
This was not what I had expected at all.  I had anticipated a feisty Latino chick with street slang; this woman was damn near posh as fuck.
Her voice so didn’t fit with the face picture she had displayed on her profile. As a young black English male, I, of all people, should have known better than to judge a book by its cover.
We had a wonderful conversation, it was like we had known each other for ages; our common love for a certain female recording artist only added to the obvious chemistry we had.
I couldn’t believe I had been such a fool to second-guess this lady. Not only was she attractive but she also had a vibe that I found irresistible. For some reason I still stalled on a meet, but eventually agreed at short notice to meet at her place after she had challenged me.
She rang me on a Sunday to say that her kids were at their father’s and I should come around if I wasn’t scared. This was a good tactic on her behalf, as I couldn’t resist proving her wrong.
I made my way to her home with two bottles of Alize in hand. Suzy greeted me at the front door looking cute as hell. I was very pleased that she had persuaded me to join her that night.
We sat down on her living room couch with a couple of drinks and proceeded to chat,  the conversation was running smoothly.  Suddenly she just grabbed my face and shoved her tongue down my throat.
This was not a bad thing at all but previously in many talks online she had repeatedly told me that she didn’t like to kiss and would rebuff any man who tried to lay his lips on her as it was too personal.
Here she was snogging my face off which I found quite odd, it wasn’t long before we were groping and sucking but believe it or not we didn’t have sex that night. For some reason it didn’t seem appropriate.
It was as if we forgotten why we had met in the first place. We had clearly made some kind of connection beyond sex and were content with chatting the whole night through.
The next morning we did eventually have sex despite the fact we were knackered from not having slept all night. A swollen penis and throbbing pussy had to be attended to.

We both had other casual sex partners but continued to see each other on a regular basis. It was pretty clear that we had put each other on the top of our fuck buddy lists.

Prior to meeting Suzy, my favourite female was a twenty-two year old lady called Ansu from Finland. She was an absolute stunner with the sweetest personality. I was now beginning to see less and less of her as my visits to Suzy’s house became more regular. Ansu didn’t really like this arrangement but couldn’t complain as she also had her own boyfriend to consider. I liked Ansu a great deal and would often go out of my way for her but the fact she had a boyfriend who was suspicious of her actions didn’t exactly help the situation.
It wasn’t like we could hook up whenever we got the urge; she had to plan carefully in order not to get caught out.

Suzy didn’t have a partner; just casual fuck buddies although I often wondered whether they all came to her house. That wouldn’t have made a good impression on her daughters if they were forced to witness different black guys whizzing in and out of their home.
She reassured me that wasn’t the case, as I was the only regular male face that came into the house. If she met anyone else it would have been at his or her pad. I didn’t want special treatment by any means but I’d be damned if I would contribute to an unstable environment. I would rather walk away before let that happen.




Diary
Mood: nervous, intrigued
Hey Diary. These are my first tentative words scribbled on your virgin pages. I’ve just turned 32 and have started my social life over after a messy divorce. Have lived a little, loved a little but now I’m out to have fun, fun, FUN! It does feel a bit odd, being like a teenager at this point in my life. I’m certainly a bit out of practice. Okay, strike that, I’m a lot out of practice.
I have made a conscious decision that I am of an age where I no longer have to apologise for or feel ashamed of having sexual urges. After the lack of physical attention I suffered over the last few years, I intend to put my newly found libido into practise. One thing I have noticed is that I have developed an intense physical attraction for black men. I’m not sure why this is, but when I walk into a club or pub, it’s like I have a Polaroid filter on my eyes. I just don’t see men who aren’t black. I’ve decided to do something about my bi-curious side too. Well, in for a penny…
I’ve kind of jumped in at the deep end. I have joined an adult contacts website (ooh aren’t I naughty?) and have placed an advert to meet men, bi women and couples, and have so far met quite a few fellas; some good, most average and a few bad (The first man I met sweated profusely through nerves and gave me a razor as a parting gift, I ask you!) I’ve met a few girls too, but no one whom I’d want to meet again. (Well not on that level anyhow.)  Most of them end up becoming friends and turning to me for advice. Do I look like an agony aunt to you? Seems that most of the women I meet need a good friend not a good shag! Oh well.

There is one man though who has turned my head a little. He intrigues me. His name is Dexter, and we have been chatting online for a while now. Well, I say chatting; it involved a bit of ‘camming’ too. Not that that impressed him.  He seems different to all the rest somehow. In fact, this one is making it hard for me to meet him. Most men can’t wait to meet. This one keeps making excuses. How odd!  Doesn’t he fancy me? He did contact me first after all, so he must do, surely?  Just makes me want him more. I’ve only seen his picture on IM; he’s a good looking, West Indian black man, young though. He’s only 25. Oh god, am I doing the ‘toy boy’ thing?  I can’t stand the concept of that.  It seems wrong to objectify a man to a mere sexual object. But I certainly wouldn’t mind fucking him that’s for sure. Why won’t he let me? Oh Dexter, just say you’ll meet me. What is it about this man that is getting to me? There are so many others, what’s wrong with me?  I won’t let him get under my skin, that’s not what I’m here for.
Keep reminding yourself Suzy, keep it light, this is about fun. And fun doesn’t involve feelings.
There are plenty more fish in the sea. Just catch an easier one.

June 11th .10am
Mood: excited
Hey Diary, it’s me again.
For some reason, I couldn’t stop dreaming about Dexter last night, it’s always the ones you can’t have that you want isn’t it? But guess what? We have actually spoken. He called me yesterday evening while I was in the bath and we chatted like we had known each other forever. It turns out his star sign is very compatible with mine and he loves s0ul music too! We had an instant rapport. I didn’t want the conversation to end but I was getting all wrinkly and needed to wash before the water went cold. I need to meet this man! He makes my head tingle (as well as the other bits.)
June 20th
Dexter has been calling me everyday. We chat like long lost soul mates, most times throughout the night.  But he’s still being funny about actually meeting me. I think I’m going to have to push this one…

Sunday June 25th
Well I have just called him and laid down the gauntlet. I challenged him to come and see me. I left him no excuse as the kids are off with their dad and my flat is empty and I’m horny and he’s a man and I’m a woman.
What was there to consider?
It worked. He’s coming!

June 26th 12pm
Mood: smug
Ooh what a night we had. What a lovely man! He came to see me with not one, but two bottles of fruit liqueur, because he didn’t know which one I preferred. How considerate! Well I had been telling him over our chats online that I wouldn’t kiss him because that was too intimate. I must have confused the poor man, because as soon as I saw him I pushed him onto the bed and kissed him for all my life was worth.
It had been a very long time since I had kissed anyone. Don’t think it was particularly good kissing. It was needy, and probably a bit rough. Don’t want him thinking I have feelings for him, do I? Probably just as well that it was rough. I don’t want to appear vulnerable. Well, we didn’t actually have full sex. We played around a bit,  I gave him head and kissed a lot, but the main thing was the conversation. Oh that man makes me feel alive again.
He stayed the night. The kids were at their dad’s so I thought why not? Was lovely sleeping cuddled up next to him, it’s been a long time since I had company all through the night. Do you know what, it just felt right. I have to admit, the falling asleep next to someone and cuddling up and waking up with someone special is something I do miss. Being single can make you feel lonely at times.
This morning we went for a walk in the park and somehow we ended up holding hands. Now that was odd. I don’t do kissing, but I certainly don’t hold hands! But it felt good and seemed right.
We even ignored the glare of a middle-aged black woman who kissed her teeth and shook her head to see us together in the park. What’s wrong with us being an interracial couple? Oh did I just say that? Think that may be wishful thinking on my behalf.
SUZY, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! YOU DON’T DO RELATIONSHIPS REMEMBER?
When we came home from the park, we chatted some more. (I could talk to this man and never run out of things to say.) Then he said he had to go.
I felt my heart sink. I followed him out on to the landing and just couldn’t help myself. I grabbed him and kissed him again, unzipped his fly and gave him head right there on the landing. Without any words being spoken, we went back into my apartment and had the most amazing sex.
Something odd happened. As he was riding me, I felt my awareness heighten, my world darken and a wave of bliss overtake me. It was like I could feel what he was feeling and he could feel my feelings too. It was at once scary and exhilarating, blissful and intoxicating. Then I realised it was also incredibly intimate.
NO INTIMACY ALLOWED! TERMINATE AT ONCE!
Brakes were applied. The feeling fled as quickly as it had washed over me. I cannot afford to open myself up to anyone yet; not even someone like Dexter.

June 30th
I can’t stop talking to Dexter. We call each other and talk about so many things. There’s something about this man’s openness and non-judgemental attitude that allows me to open my heart. I’m not sure how he feels about that (I hope he feels some way about it) and yes, I am seeing other men-quite a few actually. None of them compare with Dexter, but because I can’t allow myself feelings (I’m so scared of being hurt again) I find myself throwing stories of these encounters in Dexter’s face, all in the name of honesty. If I’m brutally honest I suppose I’m looking for a reaction. I definitely feel a bit weird when he tells me stuff about the other girls he sees. Par for the course, I suppose. Actually ‘a bit weird’ is an understatement, but I’m not allowed to feel anyway about it, because we aren’t a couple; I suppose we are what you call ‘fuck buddies’ or ‘friends with benefits’. Unfortunately my head hasn’t managed to communicate this to my guts, as I can’t deny they wrench and twist and turn every time he talks about other girls. Even the mere mention of a text received gets my blood boiling.
I feel so let down by my emotions; they keep ambushing me. I try to keep it hidden, but I know Dexter’s seen the mask slip a few times. There isn’t a day goes by when we don’t talk long into the wee small hours though. The dawn chorus alerts us to the fact that the night has slipped us by.
Am I wrong to hope there could be something more to this? Am I being greedy or worse; am I deluded?
July 2nd
I’m really afraid.
I find myself reaching for my little black book of telephone numbers when I’m feeling down; either that or going online and finding new willing men to keep me company. I can’t expect Dexter to be there all the time. (Oh I wish!) That’s too much to ask of a friend with benefits. I am so needy though. Just making that call or planning a meet seems to be the fix that I crave, because quite frankly the sexual event that follows usually is unremarkable and leaves me feeling even more empty and alone.
I’m scared. I think I may be a nymphomaniac.

July 25th
Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did I do that?
Just came back from another meet.  I can’t fault the man really. Sex was good, he treated me well, but I just feel rubbish again.
To be honest, I’d have done anything to be with Dexter. But he was with that other woman. Bitch.
July 26th
Aaarrgh! I’m so fed up of men telling me that I’m lucky!
Whenever I go online to chat to potential meets, I can’t help bringing up the fact that I feel I have a problem with sex, even though I’m aware that this may result in my appearing to be vulnerable. I have to admit to you diary, this behaviour feels compulsive. It’s not fun; I’m not in control. I so thought a man would understand me when I tell him that a sex addiction isn’t nice. But they all seem to think that it’s all gravy. No one is listening to me when I say I feel numb. I can’t really tell Dexter about this, I don’t want to scare him away.

August 20th

Mood : Overwhelmed /despairing
Well apologies, diary for being so scarce these last few weeks. I’ve been in complete turmoil and just didn’t want to write. As you know, I’ve been seeing other men, trying to get this Dexter man out of my head. Trouble is, no one comes close. We still chat to each other almost incessantly, and have been seeing quite a bit of each other. But he’s not looking for a relationship and nor am I (let’s face it, who would want me?) So he sees other women (ouch that hurts) and I see other men. Trouble is, I am just going through the motions. I don’t want to see them. I want to see him. But I don’t want to tell Dexter that. He’s not going to want to hear that, surely? But I yearn for him it hurts so badly.
I think I have failed on my journey to have emotionless sex.
Diary please put your fingers in your ears. I don’t want you to hear this next bit.
I have feelings for Dexter, deep, deep feelings. I think he is the ‘one’ But how can I even begin to expect him to feel the same? After all he is seven years younger than me, and from a different culture. He’s told me he doesn’t want a relationship many times. But we can’t stop talking to each other. Isn’t that what a relationship is? Are we both in denial? This feels like love to me. I feel like I am going crazy. I will have to confront him soon otherwise I think my head and heart will explode. At times I feel angry and resentful towards him .How dare he break down my protective walls that were guarding me and keeping me safe? But then I realise this man has been nothing short of wonderful towards me. How could I be so horrid? They were my issues clearly. I wrote a poem. Well it just sort of fell out of me. Don’t laugh. Be kind.
Strong
As soon as I’m strong
I’ll be moving on
As soon as I’m strong
I’ll be gone.
Thought I was tough, ‘cause I was hard and strong
Could do the dirty like a man,
Chew ‘em up, spit ‘em out, and move along
But I was wrong
To stop the hurt I built stone walls, built them high
‘Cause my heart was bleeding bad, had to stop the flow
Tell my heart not to cry, I’ll get by
I lived a lie
Cause these walls though high and strong
Blocked out all feeling that came along
Not just the pain, not just the sorrow
But all the love I may find tomorrow

My heart the Sleeping Beauty castle
My soul the dormant life within
My pain and fear the thicket of thorns
Won’t let anybody in
My confidence, Prince Charming
He will heal me with his kiss
Cut down the thorns with courageous sword
To let in the love I’ve missed.
So be careful what you say to me
And be very sure how you feel
‘Cause I won’t be here forever
Once my heart’s had time to heal.

Well it’s not Wordsworth, but I was proud of it.
I wonder if he’ll notice the vague threat at the end?
Will he care?
Oh I do hope so.

September 4th
Mood: apprehensive/ tentative
I’ve been considering suggesting going to a swinging club to Dexter. I’ve had the membership card sitting around for a while for this couples only club that I have been to a few times in the past. It will be strange for me to take someone there whom I really care about (okay, love). The only other times I had been there, was with men I really didn’t mind handing over (does that sound horrid?)
One particular woman (whom I would call Curly Haired Woman) would look forward to my coming to the club because she knew she could rely on me to bring a black man to the party. There aren’t too many black men that go to swingers clubs. Good job I got my kicks from being an exhibitionist, because quite frankly, it wasn’t really rich pickings on the men front. The women weren’t bad on the whole, but the men … well, let’s just say it was fitting that they sold Viagra at the door.

September 8th
Mood: blah
I have spoken to Dex about the club. He’s not as keen as I thought he’d be. I cast my memory back to the first time I took the plunge to go and have to admit that I was shitting myself too. I think he may eventually come round to the idea.

September 14th
Mood: apprehensive
He’s agreed to go. It’s funny, now he’s agreed, all I can think about are all the bad experiences I’ve had there in the past. I’m nervous that now I have such a vested interest in this man that I could blow it all by introducing him to something that is, after all, completely unnecessary and potentially dangerous to a burgeoning relationship. Is this wishful thinking? Am I crazy to want him to go to a swinging club with me? I have to ask myself about my motivations here? I think I have a need for him to see me at my worst, and by that I mean that I want him to see me at the most freaky that I have been. I think it is a test, for him and for me. If he sees me that way and accepts it, then that will make me feel safe? I’m not sure. I don’t even know if my wild, attention seeking behaviour at those clubs in the past was even an indication of the real me? Maybe it was symptomatic of how I was feeling at the time? Who knows?

I can’t stop thinking about one time when I was at the club with my regular escort at the time, and I was in a huddle, playing with a very attractive blonde, stripper-type woman. She seemed to be enjoying my advances and was encouraging it by being very vocal and moaning very loudly, perhaps a little too loudly, in retrospect. Four or five men surrounded the both of us, all of them were masturbating as they watched this bisexual female display and occasionally voiced their approval of the spectacle. She kissed me. It was very rough. I didn’t mind that too much. I could understand passion. She kept on laughing in between kisses and gropes. I found that a bit unnerving. There was something not quite right about this woman. She pulled my bra to one side as her mouth encircled my nipple. She licked and nuzzled, I relaxed into the embrace and then suddenly, a sharp pain pierced my languidness.
I screamed.
Instinctively my hand came up to slap away the source of the pain and it connected with her face. The bitch had bitten me! She laughed maniacally and walked away.
I stuffed my breasts back into the safety of my bra, buttoned up my white cotton shirt and ran to the bathroom. As soon as I reached the mirror, I burst into tears as I saw a growing ooze of blood staining my shirt as I bled from my nipple .I got my coat, collected my escort for the night and went straight home.
It had been a long time since I had felt that vulnerable.
But I still went back the next time. I just made sure I avoided playing with crazy blonde vampires in future.
Please don’t let anything like that happen when I go with Dexter. I’d feel sorry for anyone who dared to try and inflict pain on me if Dexter was there!

September 15th
Mood: pensive

I’m still not sure about this swinging club thing. I’ve been thinking back at the past experiences I’ve had there. I’ve never been with someone I had true feelings for. I suppose that’s the nature of true swinging. Trouble is, because I am a ‘squirter’, I get an awful lot of attention once the word gets around. And I thrive on attention. You might think that’s not a problem. The concept of performing for others arouses me, but that’s just the problem. If I go with Dexter, how would he feel about me performing? I don’t think he’d take too kindly to it. In fact, I know he wouldn’t. We’ve done too much work together on me sorting out my ‘pleasing’ issues that I know that he’d see my performing as regressive. He knows about my past. He could not justify supporting me or joining me in any venture that would encourage me to fall back into old damaging patterns of behaviour. I have a gut instinct that I will revert back to the comfort zone of exhibitionism once I enter that familiar place and face the seduction of people’s expectations. The urge to please others in that environment is so overwhelming. I’m not sure I will know how to behave if I consciously restrict it. Have I ever REALLY been myself at that place? I think to be honest I have always protected myself by going there as an alter ego.

The orgasms I have when ‘performing’ for others in that environment are always muted. They never feel like real ones. I always feel strangely disconnected from them, like that is the goal that every one wants me to reach because of the visible gratification of the ‘squirt’. This female ejaculation thing can be a bit of an albatross around my neck. I wish all women did it. I wish I wasn’t singled out so much and treated like a sideshow freak. But at the same time, I have to admit that it does gratify my ego. The more I think about this, the more it seems to me that I don’t feel real feelings in that situation, because I am not in touch with the real me. It’s like I shut down the real Suzy and put on the mask of Suzy Squirt, the exhibitionist swinger as soon as I enter the doors of the club. I must admit, I feel really anxious about this, but I won’t know how things will be until I go.
Well, it won’t be long till I find out. The big event is tomorrow night.

September 17th
Mood: Relieved
We went, we came, (excuse the pun)and we survived. Thank God. Now maybe that’s over, I can stop holding my breath and worrying so much. Dexter suffered a little from ‘newbie’ syndrome. It’s very difficult to get an erection on cue in a swingers club. Dexter thinks too much. He did manage it later on as the place was emptying out, and he fucked me nicely from behind. And guess what? I felt it! The orgasm was full and real and intense. Maybe I can be me when I’m with Dexter? Maybe the alter ego can be left outside the club in future? I don’t need her any more.
Anyhow, the best part of the night by far was getting home. We were both so fired up. I knew he was going to fuck the life out of me when we got back, and he did! I left puddles on the stairs, on the landing and again in bed. Ooh that alone was worth going to the club for!
Roll on next month and next adventure!



{July 29, 2011}   Hello world, are you there?

This is a true story, only the names and places have been changed to spare blushes and protect identities.

This blog was started off as a personal journal, a means of self-reflection for my own sanity. Then I met a wonderful man and realised that the story we had between us was bigger than the both of us. Partly self-reflective and partly story telling, we share our intimate thoughts with you in order for you to grasp the bigger story written in these posts.

Dedicated to those young people on the brink of adulthood, especially those young people who have been through tough times/ abuse and are seeking empathy and trying to make sense of it all. This story is for all adults who tire of empty, cheap thrills, who are brave enough to start to search within rather than further afield. This is dedicated to the cyber generation who misguidedly seek real emotion and friendship in ‘Cyberland.’ This goes out to all you modern ladies who feel cheated being the ‘friend with benefits’; there is a way forward.
Dedicated to any of you have loved and lost and never thought you would dare to take that risk again. This story is for you.

This is, most of all, a contemporary love story. But don’t expect any roses or candlelit dinners…

And have I mentioned swinging? There may be a bit of that too.
So snuggle down in a nice comfortable chair, kick off your prude shoes, open your mind and heart and indulge.



et cetera