{August 22, 2011}   Dexter’s 5th Journal entry: The night it all went wrong

Things fall apart   

Here we are again, at the swingers club for the umpteenth time.
It’s a new venue this time, but still with the same old faces.
We’ve invited along two couples that we’ve been chatting to on msn so at least we’ve brought some variety to the mix. We thought this would be the perfect opportunity for all us to meet and maybe even play.

The club we frequent allows non-members to be invited as guests. This was in the hope that they would one day become members and then entice other people to join the club.
The first of our couples to arrive was Steve and Beverly. They were a black couple from the outskirts of London. They were very attractive, not to mention persistent. They had been chasing us for a while and had travelled a fair distance to meet us that night. They were a full swap couple as were we at the time.
The second of our guests, Jerome and Dee, arrived a few minutes afterwards. They were a couple very similar to us actually, also interracial, he black, she white and they also had an age gap like ours. She was mid thirties and he was in his early twenties. They were newbie’s to the Scene and so had little experience.
Jerome and I had quite a bit in common although he wasn’t as mature. He came across as a big child and his baby face didn’t exactly help. Dee was very attractive. I licked my lips at the prospect of playing with her. She was insecure about her size as she had told me earlier on msn. She was a size eighteen but curvy. She pulled the size off well; indeed she was quite the looker.
I knew there was no chance of me playing with her that night,
firstly because of my inability to perform in a crowd but more importantly, the two of them look petrified; much as I did the first time I attended this club. Suzy and I realised that we’d have to get them in private some other time if anything was to happen sexually between the four of us.

Prior to Suzy and me reaching the venue she was all pumped up at the prospect of creating the Negro League all over again in a little corner. She had it all planned out. We would get there nice and early so we could snag the big sofa and keep it for the rest of the night.
Suzy told me that she wasn’t really interested in playing with Steve or Jerome. She just couldn’t wait to get her teeth into Beverly and Dee. I found that statement a bit odd as I was well aware of her past encounters in this club. Why would she not be bothered with Steve and Jerome? After all they weren’t bad looking and were bound to be the only other black men in the club, with the exception of an odd brutha sprinkled here and there around the venue. She acknowledged that she couldn’t just ignore Steve and Jerome but her main focus would be on the ladies.

As the night progressed, a lady who goes by the name, “Queen of Sheba” strolled over.
She and Suzy had been friends on Scene for a few years, although I had warned Suzy many times not to trust her. You’ll find out much later on why my suspicions were proven right, but for the purpose of this story so far, she hadn’t done anything wrong.
She was a large black lady and very popular. Everyone knew her. Suzy introduced her to our guests. She seemed pleased to meet some new faces. It transpired that Queen and Beverly knew each other from school.
I left Queen with Suzy, Steve and Beverly to go look for our other guest couple, as they seemed to have disappeared. I found them in the middle of the dance floor clinging onto each other for dear life. It was evident that the club scene wasn’t for them. I made sure they were okay and reassured them that I’d check on them from time to time.

The Negro League didn’t quite work out that night. The place was crammed full of couples, this night had to be one of the busiest I’d ever seen it. We kept getting separated so the Negro League kind of flopped. Oh how I wished it hadn’t. As I made my way back to the others, I noticed that Suzy and company had somehow drifted to the wall on the other side of the room.
I made my way over. Suzy was chatting with Beverly and Steve. As they appeared deep in conversation, I didn’t just butt in. I was raised with manners and that would have been considered rude behaviour.  A few minutes had passed. I noticed that I had yet to be invited into the conversation. Surely this wasn’t intentional?
I’m no cry baby, so I brushed it off.
A good ten minutes ticked by and I was still being ignored. Steve and Beverly didn’t know me so that was no big deal, but for Suzy to ignore me was something else entirely.  At this point, feeling like I had no other option, I just ignored my upbringing and jumped into the conversation.
Funny thing was, when I did that they suddenly didn’t have anything to say
“Fine!” I thought.
We were a couple, Suzy and I, not fuck buddies. Why was I being treated like one?
As I pulled myself out of the conversation, the friendly banter and laughter began again, bloody typical!
I didn’t want to cause a scene and embarrass Suzy by confronting her about her bad manners. Had I done so it would have resulted in an argument and given the circumstances, would not have been the right place or time. At this point I thought by dropping a light statement into the mix, they may choose to engage me in their conversation.
Earlier on I had noticed a scrawny looking man ogling an absolute stunner. I remember thinking to myself “Dream on bruv!”
To my amazement, as I turned to my left, there he was banging the very same stunner from behind as her husband watched on.
I turned to my right and tugged on Suzy’s top.
“Look babe!” I said.
Suzy took one look at the two banging away then looked back at me. Her look said everything: You interrupted my conversation for this?! She quickly turned back to Steve and Beverly and continued her conversation.
Beverly gave me a nervous look as she herself could now see what was going on. At that point my emotions were at boiling point. I felt so disrespected by Suzy. How dare she punk me, especially in front of our guests? However, despite simmering with inner rage, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and walked away.
Ladies, if you think I was over reacting, consider this: if the tables had been turned and I had been ignoring Suzy in the same manner, she probably would’ve slapped me and walked out in a huff. At this point in our relationship, I couldn’t receive as much as an innocent text message from another woman without her sulking for a good while and provoking an argument. Was I being unreasonable here or overreacting? I think not.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. I went to look for Jerome and Dee. When I found them they looked like they’d made themselves pretty comfortable already as Dee was giving Jerome head on one of the couches. They clearly didn’t need assistance so what was I to do now?
I returned to Suzy, and Steve and Beverly.
As I returned the inevitable was happening. Suzy’s tongue was down Beverly’s throat and Steve who was standing behind Beverly was reaching around to fondle Suzy’s lower regions. This was a swingers club after all. I went to join in but as I did, I could feel I wasn’t welcome.
On feeling my hands on her breasts, Suzy quickly squatted so she could go down on Beverly, making herself inaccessible for me.
Beverly could see the look of resentment on my face. She presumed it was directed at her for some reason, oh how wrong she was.
At this point, the simmering emotions I had held in earlier bubbled over. I nearly lost it. I saw red.  In my mind’s eye, I could see myself smashing Suzy’s head against the wall, the anger I felt was so strong.
Despite my many physical altercations of the past, I wasn’t one to hit a lady; it wasn’t part of my character. I was raised well by my parents and know for a fact they would strongly disapprove of me laying my hands on any woman. Only a coward would act in that manner and I was anything but a coward.

I needed to be alone.
I went upstairs to the empty bar area and just sat there for about twenty minutes until the rage had subsided somewhat, then went back down stairs to see if the situation had changed.
I walked in to see Queen of Sheba introducing a young black couple to Suzy, Beverly and Steve. I didn’t feel as if I’d be welcome after the last incident, so I didn’t walk over to the huddle. Instead I chatted briefly with Danger Mouse and her husband, but I was interrupted as someone rudely dragged me away.
It was the petite black girl from the couple Suzy was chatting to. Her name was Precious. She said she needed to dance with someone and that she thought I’d be the best candidate for the job. I found it odd that she would just choose me from all of the men in the room, especially in such an abrupt manner, but I thought what the hell, it’s just a dance.
Half way through the first track she looked at me and said,
“Look at what my man is doing to your woman!”
I turned around to witness her man’s entire hand thrust deep inside Suzy. Suddenly it all made sense. Precious was nothing more than a mere diversion. These people had underestimated me. If they kept on pushing me like this, the way I was feeling, they’d find out exactly why the thugs from around the way used to call me the “Angel of Death.”
I turned my head away from the offending view and kept on dancing with Precious while Suzy continued to make a scene, wailing like a fucking clown. The noise she was making made my blood boil. How dare she make such a fool of herself! I felt embarrassed to be associated with such a performing monkey.
As she continued to make a spectacle of herself, my thoughts turned to her expectations of getting sex from me later after the club. There was no way I was going to touch her. Her behaviour repulsed me. She may as well make the most of that hand inside her. We usually fucked like crazy when we got home from the club. She could forget that idea tonight.
I tried to distract myself dancing with Precious for about another fifteen minutes, then she suddenly pushed me away like I had a disease and walked over to the other side of the room.
I turned around and sure enough, this idiot’s forearm was still inside my woman.
Now, I’m not that bothered by her playing with other men but don’t do it in way that makes me look like an idiot in the process.
The worst thing anyone can do to me is to embarrass me in public, and Suzy had just managed to do that in spectacular fashion.

I bought myself a drink and slunk back upstairs to my sanctuary to have some privacy.
Twenty minutes later I went back downstairs. It wasn’t good. In fact it had got worse. To my amazement this nigger still had his arm inside Suzy. She was making a scene with all the pathetic noise she was making. Every time she moaned, I cringed.
He loved the fact that she was squirting all over the place. He thought that this proved his ability as a lover. What a fool! If only he knew that a squirter is a squirter, plain and simple. It doesn’t take much to make it happen. In fact, I knew for a fact that Suzy could fake it, make the squirt happen without an orgasm; so much for his skills. But he still stood there looking pleased with himself.

Yet again Beverly gave me a nervous look, she could see I wasn’t impressed but then neither was she.

I stood adjacent to Suzy about ten feet back. She must have known at this point that she had fucked up as she kept her eyes closed, she didn’t want to make eye contact.
I was glad she didn’t catch my glance. At this point in time I wanted no association with this woman. I was disgusted by her vulgar behaviour. She had been blanking me all night but then still allowed a complete stranger to violate her for damn near three quarters of an hour. This was the same woman who claims I’m the only man she’s ever loved. The same woman that claims that I’m the most unique and special man she’s ever met and yet she had the cheek to treat me this way. Actions speak louder than words.
I had never been so disrespected in my whole life, especially by someone that I go out of my way for.
I thought back to her earlier assertions that she only wanted to play with Beverly and Dee. She hadn’t paid Jerome and Dee any attention all evening.  She had clearly changed her mind.  It was clear that the few Negroes sprinkled about the venue would get her full attention, with one notable exception: me.

It seemed Precious’ man had developed a cramp in his arm. He stopped doing what he was doing and went to find something to clear up the mess that Suzy had created on the floor.
I noted that the only other person who looked as smug as he did after that silly freak show was the Queen of Sheba. She looked very pleased with herself.
As well as looking like a fool and disrespecting herself, Suzy had lined herself up as Queen’s number one get rich scheme.

As the black Zorro cleaned up the mess, Suzy eventually plucked up the courage to look at me. She gave me the innocent ‘Oops look at what I’ve done’ look.
I walked away in disgust.

I leant against a wall and sipped at my drink. I thought to myself, how did I get involved with someone like this and how do I make her feel the pain that I feel right now? __
For all those that know me, they would tell you that I’m the most vindictive person on the planet! If you hit me, I’ll hit you back twofold and twice as hard.
All I could think was that I wanted Suzy to feel my pain tenfold. At this point I grew increasingly annoyed with myself.
I so wished that I could get wood like the rest of the guys in the venue. I began to curse myself for not having organised a pack of ED pills. If I had any, I would have overdosed on three pills and fucked every willing pussy in the room twice over. If I died in the process it would have been worth it just to see the hurt on her face. I wanted to hurt her in the same way she had hurt me.
As I stood there cursing myself, she came from behind and kissed my neck. I felt my skin crawl.
‘How dare you kiss me,’ I thought. ‘You only want to know me now that Zorro’s arm has frozen up… FUCK YOU!’
I should have said it out loud. I’m not sure why I didn’t, to be honest.

A few dudes from around the way once told me that they thought I had gone soft because I was letting certain things slide.
I tried to reassure them that that wasn’t the case but after tonight’s events, I began to think that they might have been right.
In the past no man, let alone a woman, could openly disrespect me without there being serious repercussions to deal with afterwards.
Now here I am allowing this woman to get away with damn near murder, just so I can save her the embarrassment of a public cussing. This was her domain so I spared her the indignity of being humiliated in front of her peers.

I walked away from her without saying a word and found a seat.
Suzy stood there frozen; she clearly didn’t know what to do. She was unsure whether she was about to see the legendary temper she had heard so much about.
A little fact all those reading should know; Suzy would always insist she wanted to see me at my worst, for what reason I don’t know.
I always made it very clear I didn’t want to ever revert back to that state of being, that if I went there I would have to pay a steep price as I was no longer a youth.
She didn’t seem to care about my progression or my maturity, on this night she was very close to having her wish granted.
She eventually sat on the arm of the chair in silence. Once she plucked up the courage to speak she asked me a question.
“What’s wrong?”
I could have told her the truth by saying I didn’t want to be associated with a clown, but I thought that should be saved for private. So I lied and said I was bored. She looked disappointed with my response. God knows how she would have reacted had I elected to tell her the truth.

Jerome and Dee were sitting on the couch beside me. Suzy clearly felt uncomfortable around me and asked me to hold her purse while she went to the ladies room.
As I turned to chat with our new friends, I heard Suzy yell out, “Oh no look at my dress!”
A big chunk of her rubber outfit was in her hand.
I assumed that one of the few other black men in the club, who just so happened to be the co-owner of the venue ( and a good friend of Queen of Sheba) had ripped her skirt.
Suzy would later assure me that he hadn’t. She had torn the dress herself attempting to pull it down to cover her modesty.
I turned back to chat again but Jerome had a funny look on his face. He said to me,
“I thought she was going to the ladies room”.
As I turned, to my surprise, yet again she was making a fool of herself, and in turn, me.  She was dancing with the co owner of the club, the fucking cheek of it!
She had asked me to hold her purse like some sort of manservant, so she could dance with the next man!
She must be sick in her head.
She already knew that I was in a mood because she had messed up and now she still had the balls to disrespect me?
We’d see about that.
I was waiting for her to catch my eye, but yet again she didn’t dare.
At this point I lost it. The red mist descended. There was no room for swallowing my pride any more, I needed to act.  I emptied my bottle of alcopop to use as a weapon.
I was going to bust it over his head.
I also had a vision of using it on Suzy, not that I would have actually have carried it out but the vision was satisfying.  She was the one disrespecting me, not him.
If it wasn’t for Jerome and Dee seeing just how mad I was and calming me down I would have been arrested that night for assault, not that I cared as it would have been worth it.

For years I had been trying my best to calm my temper.
To be the so-called bigger man and walk away from confrontation, fat good that does, it just makes you appear to be the weaker person in my eyes.
Where I’m from it doesn’t pay dividends to back down from beef; if people think you’re weak they will attack you.
I thought I had done well up to this point but Suzy was setting me back years with her behaviour. She had pulled me straight back into a situation that had pushed my boundaries and challenged me.
I never looked for trouble, it found me; I just dealt with it abruptly. So much for avoiding scraps.
As I said previously, I’m not one to hit a woman but Suzy was trying her damnedest to be the first.
I composed myself.
It was one thing to lie about going to the ladies room, but to have me hold her bag while she danced with another man? She clearly thought I was her bitch! We’d see who the bitch was when we left there! As my blood was boiling, I tried to convince myself the night couldn’t get any worse.
What a surprise!
The return of Zorro, he saw his opportunity to pick up where he had left off. He and the club co-owner were pressed up either side of Suzy. I’d be damned if I’d allow her to be sandwiched in front of my own eyes after a night like this.
There was only so much a man could take, surely.
I noticed how Suzy didn’t object to being sandwiched right in front of me.
In the past I’d heard horror stories of normally loving couples fighting at swingers clubs. I’d often wondered how they got to that point and why. Now I was finding out first hand.
To think I was about to be humiliated by two chicken eating niggers and a clueless bleach blonde Latino chick with issues… HELL NO! No way would I have let that happen.

The thing that hurt the most was the co-owner actually considered my feelings at one point. He asked her if it was okay for him to be dancing with her as he could see I was upset.
Her response was incredible. I won’t even write it down as it would just infuriate me.

I’d always said to Suzy not to say things she didn’t mean such as “I love you” and “You’re special”. She would always swear on her life that she meant the things that she said.
If that’s how she treated the man she loved, god knows how she would treat an enemy. Before she could anger me any more and embarrass herself further, I dragged her away from the situation.
I felt so angry, I could have killed her.

But I didn’t. Instead I took her upstairs to chat but they had locked the doors. I asked her what the fuck she thought she was playing at?
She had no answer.
Never again would any man or woman disrespect me the way Suzy did that night.
The ride home that night was uncomfortable to say the least.
She was well aware of my anger on the way home not to mention the next day.
I didn’t really vent my anger or concern till a few days later when I invited her to have lunch in a nearby bar.
I didn’t lose my cool. I calmly let her know how I was feeling that night and asked her why she had acted the way she did. I simply said: “What if I had treated you the way you treated me, that night? How would you have felt?”
After considering this for a while, Suzy burst into tears. The realization of what she had done a few nights previously had finally hit her.
I felt bad for making her cry even though I needed to get that shit off my chest. For some reason I had a serious soft spot for this woman. Despite all the drama she had brought into my life she genuinely always had good intentions. She brought out a soft side in me somehow. Even when I was blunt with her it wasn’t with the intention of hurting her feelings, unlike most of the girls who had felt my wrath in the past.
To be honest that’s a lie, I didn’t keep too many girls in my company long enough for them to do anything that would piss me off. Only a handful had the balls to provoke me, boy did they wish they hadn’t once I had dealt with them. My tongue was my weapon and my words were deadly.  I didn’t mince my words, my intention was to rip the shit out of them and that’s exactly what I did. They always seemed to mistake my politeness for weakness, I’m nobody’s fool.
With Suzy it was different.
I never meant to hurt her feelings when I raised my voice; she was too sweet for that.
All I needed to do was to make her aware of wrong doing on her part, and that’s what I did in the bar.
When she returned from the ladies room with her face all red from sobbing I was quick to console her.
She’s one of very few women I’ve ever met that could piss me off but yet bring such compassion out of me.
How she does it I don’t know, but she’s worth the effort.


[…] Dexter’s 5th Journal entry: The night it all went wrong ( […]

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