insidesuzyssoul











{August 13, 2011}   Suzy’s 3rd Diary Entry : He loves me!

Diary 3
November 30th
Mood: Ecstatic

Oh my god, oh my god oh my god!
He loves me!   HE REALLY LOVES ME!
Forgive me, diary, I just had to shout it out over the rooftops.
Sorry…I’m getting ahead of myself here, let me explain. I went away with my best friend to Norway for a few weeks. I needed the head space after that last ‘shrink’ incident. Although I knew I would miss Dexter like crazy, (bless that man, he never gave up on me, even after I made that stupid mistake) I knew that I needed time and space to sort my head out. My friend has a country house away from all civilization, nothing but trees, lakes and mosquitoes. She invited me away for a break. I think she could see that I needed it. Poor woman, she’s been getting it all, instead of you, dear diary. Of course I took my mobile phone with me and Dexter and I text messaged each other as much as we could. I also used that time to clear up all the loose ends with the other men I had been seeing.  All of them unceremoniously dumped by text. Only one seemed bothered. He tried using humour to deflect his true feelings.
“What! You’re dumping me, from Norway? But I’m pregnant with your baby!” Nice try dude. Like I cared!

I used the time away to read and reflect. Although part of me was angry with myself for being so far away from Dexter. I longed to see him and hear his throaty laugh. I needed to see his wide smile that lit up a dark room. I longed to feel his gentle kisses. I sorely missed our heated debates that would go on long into the night and end up being resolved when the birds started to sing in the morning. And yes, my pussy throbbed at the memories of our times spent locked together in passionate embraces. The sex I had with Dexter made sex with other men pointless. No one could ever come close.

I knew that when I returned to London I had to come clean with Dexter  about my true feelings for him. I had to know if it was reciprocated. It appeared to be, in his actions and the way he looked at me, but I needed to hear it coming out of his mouth.
I knew I had to ask him if he loved me.

When I got back from Norway, I almost didn’t need to ask. He held me close on the doorstep, rocked back and forth, for about half an hour, muttering
‘Don’t ever go away again’ over and over.
That touching gesture made me cry. But I wiped the tears away; Dexter doesn’t like to see me cry.
When we finally made it inside my apartment, I gritted my teeth and knew I had to confront my worst fear… the fear of being rejected by someone I loved.
So I asked him.
“Dexter do you love me? Think very carefully about your answer because it will affect us from here onwards.”

(If he said no, I had decided I had to move on)

I saw his face flicker as he thought through carefully what he was going to say. I inwardly flinched as I anticipated the worst.
“Yes, I guess I do.”

And that was how DexterandSuz came to pass.

November 12th
Mood: content / contemplative

Well it’s official. We are a couple. Beyond my wildest dreams, I couldn’t have wished for a better thing to happen to me. We have both deleted our individual profiles on the Internet and set up a joint one as DexterandSuz. Since we met on scene, we thought we might as well continue on scene. Dexter’s not the sort of person who wants the person he fell in love with to change, although since meeting Dexter I have felt myself changing for the better, emotionally. He knows all about my sexual history, and I know his.
Nothing is taboo except dishonesty.
There’s one thing I have learnt since meeting Dex, and that is that it is always better to be truthful, no matter how hard you think it’s going to be. Once the truth is out, that’s as hard as it will get. So, neither of us are going to deny that we are attracted to other people sexually. As long as it stays open and honest, I don’t see any problems. I’m not sexually jealous, I’m emotionally jealous, I think.
The scene is far too entertaining to give up anyhow. Some say it’s addictive.  I wonder if I’ll feel any different now, though. I’m curious to know how it will change my behaviour. Will I feel jealous if I see him with another woman?

Will he be hurt if he sees me with another man? How will he react seeing me with another woman? I’m a little anxious as to what he would think if he saw me in full flow in a club situation now we are established as a proper couple and I can be open about my love for him. I’m sure I shall find out.  There’s a whole new world out there to explore together. I just can’t wait to get started.

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